Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Gaining favourable child custody and well-being from being thankful

Tomorrow will come and go for many in traditional fashion: the gathering amongst friends and family, the chatter of banal conversation overplayed against a sporting type event presented on the television, the typical rote recitation of a prescribed thanks followed by the indulgence of a feast. If that rings familiar with you then I offer to you the opportunity to mix it up a bit this year. Not break from traditions but to focus on the deeper impact of giving thanks and to whom, especially for those of you with children.

This is not necessarily targeted to those of you embroiled in a custody battle or high conflict relationship, although you may receive greater benefit, but also those who are “happily married”. Often overlooked is the importance of maintenance of our interpersonal relationships. Like clock-work some people will have the oil changed on their automobiles, replace various filters, even go so far as to engage in “health” care by having regular check-ups. But somehow relationships don't receive the same attention, or maybe they do. There are opportunities for regular relationship check-ups such as marriage and birthday anniversaries – I am somehow bothered that people will still refer to my birthday in the present tense although it occurred over 40 years ago – but I think they go unfulfilled.

These anniversaries are a time to give reverence to their underlying event and be thankful. The presentation of gifts has become a commercialized acknowledgment of the event with little or no significance or feeling. A birthday card should express your gratitude that the recipient exists and include thanks that you are of part of that person's life. Likewise so should the wedding anniversary card. It may even be appropriate to express a more contrite display of gratitude that your spouse has put up with an accepted your petulant ass for another year.

So when tomorrow roles around take an opportunity to disengage from the banter of retail opportunities and gross commercialism of another upcoming holiday and consider your thanks. It is popular to claim greatest thanks for your children although so parents do view them as a burden and the bane of a carnal interlude.

While you should and may be thankful for having a child and the challenges, joy, heartache, pain and pleasures – yes, all of those -- that your child brings into life that thanks must be extended. Your child is not yours alone. You had a partner in that glorious creation. If that partner will be with you tomorrow then I suggest that you take a moment to sincerely express the richness of the rewards that your union has brought to your life. If that partner is no longer living then take a moment to give reverence to that person's life and that which is carried on through your child.

Now for the BIG LEAP. For those of you who do not enjoy – or in any lesser sense – cohabitation with that partner of said glorious creation you must also give thanks. My ex-wife – the mother of our son – and I had a notoriously hostile dissolution replete with regular police involvement and my having to wear body armour and have an armed security escort at times. Yet I have forgiven all of that. We are far from buddy-buddy now but our tenuous relationship is much less hostile now and although not reflective of the previously shared intimacies it is peppered with civility. I have expressed to her my thanks that I was the person for whom she chose to bear a child and that we both continue to care for, nurture and support our son, albeit in different environments.

Are you still with me? I want you to express sincere gratitude to that person who may have bankrupted you, taken your child out of your daily life and caused distress detrimental to your well-being. That person who may have pointed a gun at you and threatened to kill you. That's the person that I feel you should give thanks to in a meaningful manner. This is for you not that other parent.

Trust me on this one. You will find this to be step towards greater tranquility, harmony and balance in your life. Your psychological and physiological well-being will benefit.

If you would like to improve your well-being and achieve greater success in relationships, finances, fitness and more then please visit my website and contact my scheduler to make an appointment to meet with me.

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More information about child custody rights and procedures may be found on the Indiana Custodial Rights Advocates website.

©2012 Stuart Showalter, LLC. Permission is granted to all non-commercial entities to reproduce this article in it's entirety with credit given.

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