Saturday, June 18, 2016

What will you give to a father on Father’s Day?

Like so many days sets aside as honour to someone, business interests have commercialized Father’s Day. Thankfully it seems limited more toward male attire and accoutrements while mattress sellers have avoided the temptation to sabotage this day also. Nevertheless commercials promote the concept that due regard to fathers should be expressed through the purchase of merchandise. However, I contend, with a sound basis that it is not merchandise that most fathers seek.

First, as an avid patron of yard sales while endeavoring to build my movie collection, I get to see the unused specially packaged gift sets for sale that are offered during the Father’s Day period. Second, as an advisor to litigants in contested child custody cases I hear first hand what parents most want -- additional time with their children. Admittedly, in these custody cases not all are seeking this additional time for the benefit of the child. I use a vetting process that keeps those who are motivated by a desire to deprive the other parent from wasting any more of my time. What remains though is a significant portion who honestly desire to provide more support to and be a greater influence in the lives of their children. They do so without expectation of recompense or notoriety. To them Father’s Day, or respectively Mother’s Day, is an opportunity to enjoy a day with their children set aside specifically for them as recognized by the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines or those of other states.

So when I ask What will you give to a father on Father’s Day? I am addressing not only the children but also the mothers of the children. Certainly some token memento of the day is appropriate from children to fathers as a keepsake for fathers to be reminded of the adoration of their children. That is so long as those are given with sincere appreciation and not out of perfunctory duty or perceived obligation.

So to the mothers I ask what will you give to the father of your children in common? For some it will be more than he is willing or they can persuade him to take. They wish they had one of my litigious fathers seeking more parenting time as the father of their children. Yet others will proclaim to give nothing more than the law allows, or less, and do so only under protest. It is these mothers whom I most want to hear me. [In about 10 months the counterpart fathers are going to get the same lecture]

In cognitive behavioural therapy the goal is to change the actions or reactions that one performs. This is done by altering the cognition -- how one perceives and processes the sensory input received from his or her environment.

Upon understanding the truism that we are where are actions put us the parent who denigrates the other is a bit of an enigma. They certainly don’t like it when other people put them down or denigrate them but they do it to themselves. I hear or read the rants of this type of mother berating the father of her children and calling him every foul name she can extract from the recesses of her mind. I ask, “Why are you so down on yourself. Why do you think you are such a loser?” The quick retort is something to the effect of she is not the loser but he is. This demonstrates a cognitive fallacy.

A cockroach is a cockroach and does what a cockroach does. So when the cockroach gets invited into the home, gets declared the pinnacle of civility, and then doesn’t perform as desired who is to blame? Certainly not the cockroach who was just being himself. If you thought that a cockroach was going to be a great housemate and table guest but then realized such wasn’t so you should just learn from that experience. If you blame the cockroach for the sanitary issues in your home then you are experiencing a cognitive fallacy. The fault is your own but you should not beat yourself up over it for years to come. Oddly enough though parents will do this in regards to the other parent after a relationship dissolves.

Selecting a mate with whom one will bear children is the most important contemplative decision one can ever make. That decision, whether spontaneous or after lengthy consideration, does not come without exhaustive deliberation. For some people that deliberation is nearly totally a process of the subconscious based upon a lifetime of experiences -- intuitive. Others may take a more mindful approach through the use of pros and cons lists, discussion with friends, or discussion with the potential mate. Either way the selection of the person with whom each of us has bore children was a deliberate process that represents the best judgment and decision making skills we possessed at the time.

By denigrating the object of that careful selection process through and ongoing and vociferous process is to challenge one’s own judgment skills. Selecting that parenting partner can be analogous to selecting house paint. This could include going to a paint store, choosing numerous swatches, looking at them on the side of the house during different lighting conditions, and finally selecting one. Once applied to the house if the colour choice doesn’t appear as appealing as had been envisioned it cannot be healthy for one to constantly tell himself or herself what a horrible colour it is. To do so is to say I made a horrible decision, I suck at choosing paint colours, I am a complete moron. The parent who denigrates the other parent is simply reminding himself or herself that he or she is an idiot with a cranial-rectal impaction.

So maybe what you should give to a father this year is a new lens for yourself by which you will view him. One that is more reflective of the positive aspects upon which you had decided he was the best of all. When you do this let the actions from this new cognition and attitude flow. Then you will feel better about yourself, benefit from his reciprocal behaviour and be a better parent for your children.

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Parents who would like to achieve the best outcome for their children in a contested child custody case should visit my website and contact my scheduler to make an appointment to meet with me. Attorneys may request a free consultation to learn how I can maximize their advocacy for their clients.

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©2008, 2016 Stuart Showalter, LLC. Permission is granted to all non-commercial entities to reproduce this article in it's entirety with credit given.

Thursday, June 16, 2016

The soft insult and reducing marital or relationship conflict

My experience in contested child custody litigation has provided great insight into the root causes of marital conflict. For over 10 years I have viewed marriages from the dysfunction perspective and helped at least one side in each relationship to mitigate the causes of the contentiousness of the post-marital relationship. In this rationation I will attempt to provide to you some strategies for recognizing and understanding insults that you may be delivering and how to modify your delivery so as to not have your audience perceive your utterances as demeaning.

Some insults jump straight out of the gate and hit you dead on. Everyone recognizes those by their content which often includes applying some diminutive term to the recipient. You have likely also experienced what I refer to as the “soft insult”. You may hear it called a back-handed compliment, indirect insult or drive-by insult.

The soft insult may require a more discerning ear to recognize. A spouse or someone of a similar relationship is best suited to both recognize and deliver these insults because they are context dependent. Motivations for the soft insult vary but I suspect that they serve the speaker’s desire to be satisfied by imparting the verbal slight without becoming engaged in a full-scale confrontation. It can provide the sense of having bested the target and also bring to a close the engagement without having to support the position.

A healthy relationship includes vigorous argument. Arguing demonstrates a sense of caring or concern. One does not argue for the sense of self satisfaction but, rather, to persuade the other party to adopt the proponent’s position or convince him or her of its efficacy for his or her benefit.

Arguments in marital relationships are more often brought to my attention in the post marital child custody litigation phase whereupon they usually are of an unhealthy nature. It is at this time when the ultimate benefactor of the debate should be the child. So it is also critical that the argument be conducted in a manner that reduces the potential for it to devolve into a fight.

The soft insult can easily take a healthy argument and turn it into a non-productive fight. The introduction of an adverb such as “finally” can change the tone of an innocuous sentence to one that is hostile. Read the following three sentences in the context of parents discussing a health issue for their son;
“I am glad to see that you have an interest in his well-being.”
“I am glad to see that you have taken an interest in his well-being.”
“I am glad to see that you have finally taken an interest in his well-being.”
Do you recognize the hostility in the third sentence? It says that your interest is long overdue. The message being conveyed is that you are selfish and haven’t been concerned about him until now, likely just to cause me grief by seeking an alternative course of care. The second sentence may not be as easy to recognize as being a soft insult but it is. It says that you have not had a prior interest. The message being conveyed is that I am assuring myself that I have been the one who has been the caretaker for our son.

That type of soft insult which attacks the efforts or motivations of someone may be more easy to recognize than this next type. From a speaker’s perspective there may be genuine concern for the well-being of the target of the next type of insult. Insulting conveyances are still just that though regardless of intent.

Intercessory prayer seeks to have an imaginary omnipresence intervene on behalf of someone, generally to bring about some perceived positive change. Prayers that the cancer invading a person’s body be eradicated are a common type of request for intercession. It is the seeking of this positive change however which may lead to the insult. By implication a positive change applies to a negative situation or state.

Of course seeking to have someone freed of cancer could hardly be perceived as insulting. Apply this same prayer model to any of a range of disagreements and the soft insult becomes more apparent.

Imagine a conversation with a friend over the issue of school choice. One of you holds the position that parents should receive vouchers to be applied to whatever school they would like for their child to attend. The other holds the position that parents should seek to improve the public school in their local district instead of abandoning the school.

After a lively debate about the pros and cons of each position as well as the obligations to one’s own children and the children of a community as a whole it becomes obvious that you are both caught in a stalemate. It is the closing of this debate upon which a remark such as, “I will pray for you” is made.

Recall that the basis of intercessory prayer is to correct an error. Thus, what is being said in that prayer statement is I know your position is incorrect, I have been unable to convince you otherwise, and I am going to seek supernatural intervention to help you pull your head out of your ass. When stated that bluntly the insult to the recipient is clearly evident and the person delivering it is quite aware that it is demeaning. It is intended to be so but delivered in a way that allows for plausible deniability.

The person with integrity will not parse words but will directly say what is intended. The “I will pray for you” quip in an argument is used euphemistically for implying that the recipient is a brainless moron and such an implication should be avoided. If such an insult is not intended then the phrase should not be used.

Monitor your language carefully when engaged in argument. If you experience the feeling that you wouldn’t make a particular quip to anyone else but that person in the spousal type relationship then you probably should avoid making it. It is these soft insults that take healthy debates and turn them into fights in which the objective changes from seeking to convince to winning the battle.

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Parents who would like to achieve the best outcome for their children in a contested child custody case should visit my website and contact my scheduler to make an appointment to meet with me. Attorneys may request a free consultation to learn how I can maximize their advocacy for their clients.

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©2008, 2016 Stuart Showalter, LLC. Permission is granted to all non-commercial entities to reproduce this article in it's entirety with credit given.

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Properly Packing your Parachute - Effectively Proceeding through a Child Custody Case

At some point, most likely during your youth, following an injury, legal entanglement, or some other readily predictable and preventable calamity you took the opportunity to ruminate over the event and the precedent decisions. You may have lamented “I guess they were correct. I shouldn’t have done that.” There are some people who come to this realization -- or at least have those opportunities -- more often than others.

We are entertained by those who make those erroneous decisions leading to humorous tumult. The YouTube videos get millions of hits. There are weekly television programs dedicated solely to airing these exploits. We may experience the anxiety of a loved one who continually breaks the barrier of common sense. These are the people I call parachute stuffers. They have enough of a clue to steer toward some element of safety or precaution that allows them to live another day and face another challenge but not escape unscathed.

There is a proper way to pack a parachute. I don’t know how to do it and have no intention of learning to do so which is correlated to my interest if being airborne in a mechanical contraption. There are those people -- you may be one -- who, without knowledge or experience, blithely proclaim to know how to pack a parachute or just stuff it into the pack. Of course I am not speaking solely to skydivers or potential skydivers here but am drawing an analogy to preparation for any activity.

The level of research, practice, and other elements of preparation we give to any particular activity is generally commensurate with the relative risk/reward or cost/benefit analysis. Activities that have the potential to impact our health or immediate state of existence should be given greater weight in this area. Grocery shopping likely falls at the other end of the spectrum, as it should.

When it comes to a child custody proceeding it is my contention that much more often than not parents treat it more like grocery shopping than skydiving. Sure there are more numerous perfunctory tasks that have been performed in preparation for the big event. The documents were marshalled, witnesses have been advised, numerous attorney meetings have been attended, notebooks have been compiled and tabbed, the employer was notified of the hearing date, and a sufficient quantitative amount of sleep the night before was achieved. The deeper and greater need is the parent conditioning himself or herself to be a desireable parent in the view of the court and the children. This doesn’t take place the day before or starting the day the motion was filed. Rather, it should be an ongoing process initiated long before litigation was on the horizon and should continue indefinitely. It is also something, like packing a parachute, that is not innate but must be learned. To negate this is like completing all the preparation work for skydiving but not packing the parachute properly.

Skydivers may certainly be able to have a successful jump without properly packing the parachute. Parents may be able to succeed in making it through a child custody hearing. But for both, executing the jump is far less critical of a feat than mastery of the landing. A successful outcome to a child custody proceeding is one in which the parent has not only contemplated and prepared for the hearing and the court’s decision along with the basis for it but also the lifelong parent-child relationship. The successful outcome will be achieved by properly packing the parachute.

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Make a suggestion for me to write about.

Parents who would like to achieve the best outcome for their children in a contested child custody case should visit my website and contact my scheduler to make an appointment to meet with me. Attorneys may request a free consultation to learn how I can maximize their advocacy for their clients.

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©2008, 2016 Stuart Showalter, LLC. Permission is granted to all non-commercial entities to reproduce this article in it's entirety with credit given.

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Every Experience is a Positive Step

Kick back, relax, and take a break for awhile to read a portion of the story of my life. This one will take longer to read than my typical postings but it should provide to you a way to perceive life in a more positive manner.

In helping my clients achieve wellness, especially during the times of marital discord or child custody battles, my nutritional counseling is relatively straightforward. We establish dietary plans that fit their lifestyle needs based upon whether a consumable is beneficial or detrimental. It can be quite simple; Hostess fruit pies are detrimental while fresh fruit is beneficial.

In the domain of psychotherapy there exist no clear demarcation between detrimental or beneficial thoughts, acts, or experiences. These are more akin to tastes than nutrients. The same act or experience can be quite pleasant to one person while concurrently reprehensible to another. Today I plan to share with you a series of what could be perceived as negative events in my life which have now left me in a state of calmness, wellness, and fulfillment in life.

People have often observed that I have an uncanny knack for seeing the positive in every situation. Just past age 20 I get struck by a truck and basically killed but lived through it, spending 17 days in intensive care. My eventual outlook was, now I have an opportunity to do something else. The plan had been to compete in five professional events stateside that year and then move to England to race in Europe.

That event marked a pivotal point in my life which provides an appropriate place to start this epic of the actions and decisions that brings me to the current moments where I am with the woman who loves me for who I am and I equally for her. In this narrative I will provide the background to the series of adversities or stymied plans that were instead fortuitous steps in the series that has coupled me to the woman that elicits my greatest happiness and what my eventual outcome will be.

So that collision was positive step number one -- it kept me in the United States.

I must regress slightly to expose what I had also lost besides the potential to race among the greats in Europe. Four years prior to that collision I had heard of someone whom I admired moving to Indianapolis. This was an accomplished person who appeared on the national news, magazine covers and such. After a few days of investigation I located his home and knocked on the door. Three hours later I headed home. I was welcomed back often and his house became a second home for me.

His wife and I became the dearest of friends sharing a love for each other that I had not experienced prior. The night we met we established an immediate emotional bond. When he was gone for weeks at a time I was there on a near daily basis. I would cut out from school to go see her. We loved each other and had an intimacy like that shared by few others. Truly no other until much later in my life which came about through what was an unintentional search that lasted 20 years. Or was it?

The day of my deadly collision was the day she and her husband moved to Chicago. She actually went the following day because she stayed in the hospital until I was conscious and could acknowledge her. I knew that something dreadful had happened to my body but simultaneously I felt the dread of the realization in what it meant as she said she wanted to stay with me but had to go with her husband. We had agreed to not say goodbye but that, instead, she would just be gone one day. I was physically and emotionally devastated.

Life somewhat fell apart in response to the events of that dreadful day. Eight months later I began serving my stint in various federal prisons around the country after passing on the opportunity to roll on someone. With my nationwide gang connections wardens were not openly embracing me as a resident. I eventually settled in Louisiana where I enjoyed my recovery in a much more temperate climate than Indiana while dining on the fine cuisine of cajun chefs. We ate well because the guards need the inmate leaders to help maintain control and they can find themselves easily distracted from watching the storage rooms in the kitchen or gates to the housing units. That stint was also a good time to take advantage of the government’s free health care system and have a follow-up surgery performed along with some dental extractions.

As my term of parole neared an end I had set my mind upon marriage which would provide a foundation to keep me from immediately exercising all the new criminal schemes I learned while incarcerated. The younger sister of a buddy took notice of me and was attracted to the “bad guy” image among other things. She had just reached the age of 18 and was looking to get out on her own.

So going to prison was positive step number two -- it kept me out of the dating scene until the eventual wife reached the age of 18.

We carefully discussed all the terms and conditions of the marital partnership which was to include a prompt relocation to Arizona which apparently was as much of a quest of hers as it was mine. Instead we moved around the Indianapolis area from apartment to apartment then decided to buy a house here due mostly to her anxiety about moving away from family. She had become pregnant and I didn’t want to raise our child in an apartment nor in the city. We had lived in Broad Ripple, Castleton and Westfield. I decided that rural Noblesville, maybe in a Victorian farmhouse, would be ideal.

While enduring the househunting ordeal the wife’s sister announced that she had decided to attend Purdue University. Her sister and I were quite fond of each other and would maintain frequent contact through letters and phone calls while she was in college. So because I wanted to remain proximate to her we moved to Lebanon instead. She actually attended IU Bloomington which nixed the proximity plan.

So the Purdue plan and relocation anxiety was positive step number three -- it resulted in us continuing to reside in Indiana and particularly our relocation to Lebanon.

Although I was eager to have a child the wife was reticent and instead stuck with the logical plan of waiting until she was finished with college. In actuality she wasn’t finished with college when we conceived but it was late enough that her pregnancy wouldn’t hinder her participation.

When our most dearest and wonderful -- or only -- son was age three we enrolled him into a preschool. On the first day as we drove up to the entrance I notice a gal walking in with her son. Something about her made an immediate impression upon me. Her son and my son were instant buddies. Seems peculiar that in seeing her for about four seconds I was able to see a connection with her and without ever meeting her or prompting by either of us our sons became best buddies.

It was shortly after that when I discovered that my wife had lied to me and repeated the lie when confronted. From that point my affection toward her which had developed was dissolved although my commitment to our partnership remained steadfast. However, she left and my son and I remained in the home where I continued to rear him. I then experienced the freedom which allowed me to return to being the person I was.

So her abandonment of our family was positive step number four -- it removed the abuse and control from my life.

As I was now free to develop my own relationships with others, it was then that I pursued exploring the connection that I saw to the mother of my son’s best buddy. She eagerly accepted me into her life and we saw each other nearly daily. I stayed overnight frequently and she even slept in the living room with me at times when she was pissed-off at her husband. At some point she asked him if I could just live there and be like a second husband to her. I was stunned when she revealed that she had asked him that but not that he said no.

So his refusal to accommodate her wish was positive step number five -- it kept me from getting tied down to a woman again.

During the time I was regularly seeing her my son reached school age. Since I had automatically been declared a non-custodial parent by the court, his mother enrolled him in the Lebanon public school system. This was in direct contradiction to our express pre-nuptial agreement that I would be the primary educator of our children and that such would be home based.

For me the public school system, beginning in grade one, was a horrific experience. The entire process was humiliating, degrading, and quite depressive. I did not want my son, who also appeared to be intellectually gifted to suffer similar abuse to what I experienced. By the time he entered grade one I had provided enough education to him that he was immediately advanced to grade two. But as our time together was so limited as to not allow the necessary two hours per day to provide a comprehensive educational experience to a child his advancement languished. He had no further accelerated advancement.

So his education being retarded by placement with his mother was positive step number six -- it kept him in proximity to his grade two classmates.

Concurrently we were also travelling to Lafayette to see a gal we met there who operated the carousel in the mall. She was living with a guy who was unmotivated, had debilitating anxiety issues, and had yet to cut the cord from mommy. My son and I would often head up there in the evening after my near co-husband came home. We would hang out at the mall until closing and then stay with that gal at her apartment.

Not unlike just about every other gal that has become intimately connected to me she also complained about the shortcomings of her current mate. Rightfully so, and I echoed her concerns until she finally came to the realization and made the decision to cut him loose. Although she financially supported him and was relieved of that burden there existed a subtextual indication that she may be coming to live with me and I embraced that thought.

I had also been hanging out with a buddy of mine who had recently divorced and would sometimes accompany me to Lafayette to get car parts and then stop by the mall to see the charming lass. Those two instantly hit it off and she moved in with him nearly immediately and they later married.

So her choosing to live with him instead of me was positive step number seven -- it kept her from residing with, marrying me, or just otherwise hindering my freedom.

Over the next few years there were some other close calls. There was a gal who I met on a King’s Island trip with a group of friends and our youngsters. We seemed to be side-by-side throughout that day. I was intrigued by her and stopped by her folks house a week later to see if she wanted to go on a walk with me accompanied by the youngsters I was sitting. She told me that she would be coming back to my house that evening and then she left on the fourth day going back to her boyfriend. The request for me to take her to his house was the first I had heard of any boyfriend. That always seems to get revealed long after these relationships develop.

I had moved to Thorntown, up the road a short way from Lebanon where my son resided with his mother. So, to cut out some travel time I bought a second house in Lebanon a few blocks away from him. This allowed for him to have more time with me other than as a passenger in the car and always made it more convenient to see his school friends.

Eventually the Thorntown house would get taken from me in a lawsuit brought by the town because of political statements I had made on the house about town officials -- child molestation particularly. That didn’t bother me much as that town is full of inbreds and lacks a certain intellectual quality which I prefer to associate myself.

So my Thorntown house being taken by child-molesters was positive step number eight -- it ultimately led to me residing full-time in Lebanon.

Not unlike his father, my son also had a knack for intuiting a relationship -- that love-at-first-sight feeling. As he tells it while he was in elementary school a new student entered the classroom -- a striking redhead. His buddy smacked his arm first and declared “dibs”. I think my son was too awestruck to have made that move spontaneously. As she fondly recalled to me around the time she graduated from high school he was her first little boyfriend.

I got to meet that glorious redhead when she, my son, and another girl had done some fundraising and needed a photograph taken for the newspaper. So this redheaded child hands her phone to me to take the photo. This was my initial exposure to a camera phone. So I am trying to peer through the lens and my subjects are seeing my eye on the screen. My son stood there in disbelief, the other girl laughed in a way like I was a buffoon, and the redhead laughed as though I had lifted her spirits for the day.

So until his mother moved to Missouri with him as he entered middle school I provided the transportation or venues for us to do activities together. Just being in Lebanon made it much more convenient for him to engage his friends in Lebanon when he was with me. So when he would return during the various school breaks we would organize or participate in activities with these friends as a way of maximizing his time with me and maintaining his friendships.

So him being removed from me to Missouri was positive step number nine -- it engaged his former classmate friends with me when he was here.

That dear redhead and I maintained a regular relationship with each other even while my son was away. We would work-out together at the gym or I would take her to political or other events that piqued her interest. I also enjoyed her inquisitiveness and appreciation of my wisdom. Plus, my interactions with her kept me youthful in spirit.

The more I got to know her the more I felt a sense of dedication to ensuring that she would have the opportunity to fulfill all of her dreams and ambitions. She understood and accepted me and I the same for her. I would fancy the idea that maybe she and my son would unite as spouses and I would thereby still get to know her through life. Regardless, I did want to observe her progress through life somehow and be available to her.

Two years or so later I was being courted by a woman in Arizona. She would come to Indiana for a few days at a time, we stayed in Kentucky for a week where I met her extended family, and we conversed on the phone often. She wanted me to move to Arizona immediately. Flagstaff had been where the mother of my son and I had intended to reside shortly after our marriage. It never happened as I stated earlier and I have lamented that but it was actually a positive step.

It was at the point of being asked to move to Phoenix that I mentioned the insightful red-headed high school girl whom I had befriended and was dedicated to helping through life if needed or requested. I said I didn’t want to move immediately because this girl still had another year of high school to complete and I am not sure what her plans were after that but she may want me to stay around Lebanon or need to live with us. Well my suitor was not pleased by that revelation and abruptly stated that she was not going to share me with any other woman “especially some high school girl.” So I made it real simple. I didn’t call her back and thus she never had to share me.

So my suitor being unwilling to potentially share me was positive step number ten -- it kept me from getting married again and then moving to Arizona prematurely.

Tough to think of denying myself the opportunity to finally complete a near lifelong quest to live in Arizona as a positive, but it is. I had not been on a quest for marriage and I was resigned that I would stay in Indiana in case my son decided to come back here for college -- which he did. That fiery red-head would soon be making the same decision. She was not just his first girlfriend but was a classmate since grade three.

When she came home one day I was already there and as she read her mail she began to gleefully dance around the kitchen. She announced to me that she would be attending IUPUI instead of Ball State and thereby we would get to see each other more often.

The newfound freedom and responsibilities of being an adult coupled to the lack of preparation provided in the home lead her on a collision course with extreme adversities. So much that she became ashamed of herself and cut-off contact with me because she didn’t want to disappoint me or for me to reject her. Her stint at IUPUI lasted less than a semester.

So her cutting off contact with me was positive step number eleven -- it kept me from protecting her from achieving her goal which was improper for her at the outset.

Less than a year later she passed me as I was riding a bike to Indy. She turned around and then we talked for about an hour. Although her behaviours that she knew I found objectionable had not fully abated I did not reject her as she had feared.

Our relationship is a robust series of encounters that span a vast range of activities and may be frequent or infrequent. We have no sense of need to control each other. Every moment we are together is enjoyable. We argue and debate vigorously but never fight. We exist wholly and individually while at the same time being united. We accept each other completely and express our love for each other spontaneously and without sense of obligation.

She knows my ex-wife but hasn’t talked with her particularly about our marriage or plans we had made such as moving to Arizona. We have talked with each other extensively for the past eight years but never on issues such as where I ultimately wanted to live. Yet, late last year she simply mentioned during one of our chats about what she wants to do in life is for us to move to Arizona a few years from now.

If you have read this far I first congratulate you on being inquisitive enough or relaxed enough to do so. Second though is the pay-off based upon what I realized when she made that statement about an ultimate life goal. Here it is.

Every situation we experience is a positive act in furtherance of a more positive outcome.

Recall from reading this what you may perceive as being negative experiences -- nearly killed and being disabled as a result of a vehicular collision; being sent to prison; getting divorced and left homeless; having my child relocated 501 miles away from home; having the woman whom I loved unconditionally and who loved me unconditionally moving away with her husband; and others who followed getting close but somehow always missing a binding connection.

Today I perceive all of those events as positive occurrences. The relationship as it is with the vivacious red-headed love-of-my-life is not an outcome but another positive experience so long as it shall last. The positive outcome will be that I experienced a happy and fulfilling life. I know now that I will have that outcome because all experiences are positive. That is my perception and it is self-perpetuating.

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Make a suggestion for me to write about.

Parents who would like to achieve the best outcome for their children in a contested child custody case should visit my website and contact my scheduler to make an appointment to meet with me. Attorneys may request a free consultation to learn how I can maximize their advocacy for their clients.

Connect with me for the latest Indiana child custody related policy considerations, findings, court rulings and discussions.

View Stuart Showalter's profile on LinkedIn

Subscribe to my child custody updates

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©2008, 2016 Stuart Showalter, LLC. Permission is granted to all non-commercial entities to reproduce this article in it's entirety with credit given.

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

The Indiana Legislature and Governor Pence should show real respect for Officer Carl Koontz and other law enforcement officers

On 20 March 2016 Howard County, Indiana deputy Sheriff Carl Koontz and Sgt. Jordan Buckley were shot while trying to serve arrest and search warrants for possession of a syringe. The visitation for Deputy Koontz will be held today at Northwestern High School in Kokomo from 1 p.m. to 7 p.m.

Indiana Code § 16-42-19-18 provides that “A person may not possess or have under control with intent to violate this chapter a hypodermic syringe or needle or an instrument adapted for the use of a legend drug by injection in a human being.” What this means is that a person may not possess a manufactured medical instrument or produce a medical instrument if that persons' intent is to use the instrument for administering a scheduled drug into a person without being lawfully authorized to do so. In short, this is just part of the scheme to keep people from performing medical procedures on themselves in a deliberate effort to enrich the medical and pharmaceutical industries.

There are some people who in preparation for viral outbreaks, the disabling of the electrical grid by EMP or other origins, or additional threats that may render travel to a medical facility hazardous have medical equipment and supplies on-hand. This is something that the medical and pharmaceutical industries do not like. If the population learns that they have the ability to perform simple medical procedures at home which may cost thousands of dollars at a hospital then the financial impact would be felt by the medical providers.

I have walked the halls of the Indiana State House with these industries' plentiful and high paid lobbyist. These profiteers are ever vigilant in trying to ensure that the U.S. Congress, the Indiana General Assembly and the Indiana Governor restrict the liberties of Indiana residents as much as possible when it comes to medical decisions and practices. Depriving persons of home-based medical options, whether for prescribed practices or those chosen by self, does not come without a cost. This time it has been more than financial.

Governor Pence said,
“Karen and I were deeply saddened to learn of the passing of Howard County Sheriff's Deputy Carl Koontz and we extend our deepest condolences and prayers to his family, friends and the law enforcement community of Howard County who grieve the passing of this courageous young officer. Indiana will always honor the memory of Deputy Koontz and will always be grateful for his courageous service. Deputy Koontz lost his life in the line of duty and his passing reminds us all of the courage and risk that every member of our law enforcement community and their families face every day in the defending our communities."

The medical community assaulted Sister Kenny when she tried to relieve the suffering of children who had poliomyelitis by providing a cure rather than ongoing treatment. Midwives have been targeted for their circumvention of hospital "care". Even doctors and nurses who wanted children born prematurely to receive human, touch thereby substantially reducing their time in a hospital and substantially increasing their rate of survival, have been the subjects of censure. The medical industry has a long history of restricting or criminalizing low cost wellness options which produce better outcomes for people.

Their efforts have not abated and are costing police officers their lives. The medical communities’ profiteering scheme has again cost another police officer his life and this time deprived parents of their child, a wife of her husband, a child of a father and the community of an individual who also engaged in legitimate efforts to serve and protect the community.

A genuine expression of grief over the killing of this officer summoned to protect the profits of the medical community would include a statement condemning both the medical industry and the legislators who accepted their contributions and provided a reciprocal financial benefit by enacting these laws.

People who care about the lives of Indiana’s law enforcement officers will immediately call for the repeal of Indiana Code § 16-42-19-18, and other laws which serve no benefit to our general population but instead create a false financial and criminal market which endangers us all. After our elected officials wipe away their crocodile tears they should do the right thing by gutting the Indiana Code of its criminalization of innocuous acts that threaten the financial health of authorized medical providers.

Shame on you members of the Indiana General Assembly and Governor Pence for deliberately creating an imaginary “danger” and causing the death of Officer Carl Koontz. Your financial bartering with the medical industry led to his death. His blood is on your hands.

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