Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Managing the Holidays as a Newly Single Parent

Today I present a posting by a guest writer, Alexis Hall, who provides some tips for getting through the first holiday season as a recently divorced or separated parent. This may be a worthy read for those still having difficulties with the post break-up relationship. So, here is . . .

Managing the Holidays as a Newly Single Parent

As a freshly divorced or separated parent, facing the holidays, you can feel overwhelmed. Thinking through the changes you have endured can bring you down. You may also feel like finances are out of control. By following this great advice you can navigate the holidays and feel better about yourself and your situation.

Starting new: The first holiday season following a divorce is tough. Good planning and a positive outlook can make a world of difference. Huffington Post offers this advice:

Don’t spend the holidays alone. Connect with your family and friends. Reach out with invitations to lunch, take in a movie, or attend celebrations. Engage with a support group or spend time volunteering for a charity.
Avoid difficult memories. Don’t allow yourself to be haunted during the holidays. Attending events that remind you of your former relationship can lead to unhealthy thought patterns. Look for experiences that build new memories. Some experts suggest starting a new tradition with the children, like going sledding or baking something special. Talk with them about what they would enjoy.
Make a getaway. A vacation can be just the ticket for new memories. If you can’t get out of town, visit a museum or go for a driving tour.
Keep parenting time positive. Carefully schedule parenting time and make exchanges in places that are fun, such as a park or shopping mall filled with decorations. Both you and the other parent will feel better if the children are excited and enjoying themselves.
New year = new you. With the coming of a fresh year, you can put behind the difficulties of the past. Embrace it by taking up a new hobby or sport.

If you can’t shake the blues. Are you oversleeping frequently, or find you feel moodier than usual? You may be struggling with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). If you’re in a funk and can’t seem to get out of it, the Mayo Clinic warns that you should watch for these symptoms of SAD:

Trouble sleeping
Feeling depressed almost all day, every day
Low energy
Irritability
Trouble focusing
Changes in appetite or weight
Feeling guilty, hopeless or worthless
Thoughts of suicide

Symptoms left untreated can get worse. If you think you may be suffering from SAD, it’s important to talk with your doctor. PsychCentral notes that many health insurance plans will cover your visit but may dictate what facility and doctor you see. Check before you make an appointment.

Take care of your finances. Let’s face it, money worries are a major source of stress. If you are struggling with how to make ends meet as a single parent, here is some great advice from Entrepreneur to reduce your concerns.

Create a budget. Start with your fixed expenses such as your housing, utilities, food and insurance. Figure out how much you need in an emergency savings fund. Since you’re the only source of income, you should plan to set aside six months to a year of living expenses. Next, set some goals for retirement and your kids’ college accounts. The money that is left can be used toward things like gifts and vacation funds.

Engage your support system. Trading favors with friends and loved ones can save money. Carpool to save gas and wear and tear on your vehicle. Trade childcare or pet care with a friend, relative or neighbor.

Gift shopping. Unsure what you can get the kids this year and still stick to that budget you just made? Parenting suggests a number of options under $10, such as crafts, toys, and games. For the adults on your list, professionals recommend doing something thoughtful but inexpensive. Load some favorite photos onto a memory stick, buy a few bars of indulgent chocolate, or give a pair of beautifully handknit socks.

Embrace the season. The first holiday season after your divorce will be tough, but you can find your way through and even start building new memories. If you can’t seem to shake the blues, get help, and make sure your finances are under control. These tips will help you successfully navigate the holidays as a newly single parent.

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Parents who would like to achieve the best outcome for their children in a contested child custody case should visit my website and contact my scheduler to make an appointment to meet with me. Attorneys may request a free consultation to learn how I can maximize their advocacy for their clients.

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©2008, 2016 Stuart Showalter, LLC. Permission is granted to all non-commercial entities to reproduce this article in it's entirety with credit given.

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Friday, December 8, 2017

Quick Tips to Simplify the Divorce Process

Today I present a posting by a guest writer, Jenny Wise, who tenders some sage advice about getting through a divorce. Included are some points that I tend to minimalize in favour of custody matters but may yet have lasting ramifications if neglected. So, here is . . .

Quick Tips to Simplify the Divorce Process

While the words ‘divorce’ and ‘easy’ aren’t often synonymous, it is possible to make it easier, if just a little. Whether you are currently in the midst of a divorce or getting things together to get the ball rolling, take a look at these tips to simplify the process and put this time in your life behind you as soon as possible.

Put Your Best Foot Forward

Even if the divorce is amicable, there is likely still a little bit of sadness, anger, or resentment. Something led to the divorce and it wasn’t the fun times you had staying up late to watch a movie and eat pizza on the couch. The end of a marriage can lead to a variety of complex emotions such as anger, grief, fear, and anxiety. It may catch you off guard, so be kind to yourself during this time. Any sort of big life change can take a toll on you, both mentally and physically, so take your time and take it easy. You may experience stress, difficulty sleeping, depression, or even a weakened immune system. Practice self-care by eating a healthy diet, exercising, and building a social support system. Talk with your doctor if you are experiencing symptoms that you just can’t get a handle on.

Prepare to Move

While it would be nice if the two of you could remain in the home you share together, it would be a tad awkward. To simplify things, add the word ‘quitclaim deed’ to your vocabulary. A quitclaim deed is the most common way of transferring property during a divorce. The spouse whose name is being removed from the house title signs the deed, giving up all claims, rights, and ownership of the home. The spouse who keeps the home pays “valuable considerations” to the spouse who files the quitclaim. Keep in mind that the deed does not transfer financial obligations such as a mortgage, so this will need to be handled separately.

If you end up being the one who has to move, whether by choice or via the court, don’t fret. Making new living arrangements might seem like a daunting task, but with a little prep, it doesn’t have to be difficult. Start by taking a look at the space you’ll be moving into. What is the crime rate in the area? Is it in a good school district for the kids? Is there plenty of storage? Are you close to family and friends? Does it meet your needs and those of your family? Don’t forget to plan the ‘how’ as well. Will you hire a mover or enlist the help of family and friends? It is a good idea to bring at least one person with you to retrieve your things to avoid an awkward or heated encounter with your ex-spouse, as well as have someone to lend social support.

Small, but Large Changes

If only a divorce were as simple as signing a piece of paper and going your separate ways. Unfortunately, it is a little more involved than that, so make sure you don’t forget to take care of the little things that might just slip your mind. Cancel or suspend joint accounts to avoid being responsible for your ex-spouse’s poor financial choices such as running up the credit card bill or having a bank overdraft, and open new ones in your name. Speaking of new, create a new estate plan post-divorce to prevent a situation in which your ex-spouse inherits your assets. Revoke your will and create a new one, appointing a new beneficiary. The beneficiary may be your children, a family member, or anyone of your choosing. Don’t forget other minor, but important changes such as updating your Social Security card, emptying your safe deposit box, and removing any valuable information from shared devices such as a computer or tablet.

Nothing can take away the emotions you are sure to feel during a divorce, but there are steps you can take to ease the process. Arm yourself with information and take it one day at a time. While it might not seem like it now, you can and will get through this.

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Parents who would like to achieve the best outcome for their children in a contested child custody case should visit my website and contact my scheduler to make an appointment to meet with me. Attorneys may request a free consultation to learn how I can maximize their advocacy for their clients.

Connect with me for the latest Indiana child custody related policy considerations, findings, court rulings and discussions.

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* indicates required
©2008, 2016 Stuart Showalter, LLC. Permission is granted to all non-commercial entities to reproduce this article in it's entirety with credit given.

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