Stuart Showalter Law Blog: Being set up for failure, disappointment and self-defeating beliefs again

It's November and that means it is time to usher in the “Holiday Season” – or the year-end thrust of decadence as I call it. And you know what that means – a burgeoning belly for most followed by the obligatory New Year's Day resolution to tighten-up, get right and lose the fat.

This month brings the first feast -- Thanksgiving -- where families gather, discard what few remnants of morality remain and engage in the festival of indulgence. Tables will be adorned with the dead animals that were most likely raised in tightly confining pens, fed a grain based diet and injected with hormones to add quick bulk. Their visceral fat, unlike their free range counterparts, will promote the production of free radicals. Cranberry sauce complete with High Fructose Corn Syrup and a smattering of pastries with HFCS will likely be the trimmings and desert. In between may come a few vegetables, sprinkled with various meats and chemicals such as sodium chloride [table salt] and a salad accompanied by saturated fat based toppings. Yes, it's the morally replete cancer cocktail holding it's dividends in reserve until enough add up for the payout of a stroke, heart attack or cancer.

Next comes the Christmas Season which is kicked off by retailers about the time the plaque from the festival of indulgence is weaving it's way through the recently released free radicals until it can find a perch on your artery walls in which to embed itself. The hustle and bustle of the retail extravaganza will find many people rushing around to acquire the latest electronic gadgets and other hotly touted products to give out as conciliation for the neglect of interpersonal relationships as though the growing materialism resolves all spiritual debts. Cars will line the drive-thru's of the quick-trash restaurants so that the exhausted shoppers won't have to slave in the kitchen to prepare but can just dispense the family meal consumed by the various members scattered about the house. As the synthetic additives take their toll those weary shoppers will awaken to another day and a jolt of a chemically induced state of wakefulness to attack the mind-numbing daily grind again. The culmination of it all is the big day. Families gather together as their busy schedules allow, mute their various personal communication devices or other electronics for a prayer declared in rote fashion before diving into another feast featuring the same immunological crushing consortium of adulterated foods. A nearly week long trance will be broken by the gala of galas – New Year's Eve parrrrrrrrrrrrrrty!!!!!

It's time to make the self-destructive indulgence and morality dearth of the previous six weeks appear like child's play. It's closing in on midnight and the obesity challenge is in full throttle mode. Millions will race through all the deep-fat fried concoctions and other tasty trans-fat permeated morsels that food engineers along the New Jersey Turnpike can devise. 400 calorie drinks and 300 calorie hand fulls of snacks should produce that last pound of fat to add on to the annual total to ensure that the following day's resolution will be a for sure success.

Once again, success will elude these revelers who declare a commitment to some form of self-improvement while passing across that arbitrary invisible demarcation line which marks a new circumscription of the Sun. While these resolutions may be an admirable first step on that journey to self-improvement, that step is off-balance and will lead to a collapse. Those who experience this collapse will feel the familiar sense of disappointment that occurs a few weeks or months into each new year. The blame will be assessed against one's self because of the lack of will power, motivation or any other character trait that can be applied to this failure.

Yet others who make the same resolves enjoy complete successes that seem to be almost effortless. It would not surprise me at all if I were to enjoy the upcoming feasts, that will usher in a period of reduced travel for me – which I do by cycling or walking -- and still maintain my current weight. Better yet I may likely shed some of this bothersome fat around my gut and drop to 125 pounds as my appetite shows a marked decline.

Particular resolves need not be made upon a set date but, rather, should be done when you are most suited to begin the process of change. Any positive change will be beneficial in ways not immediately foreseen. If you are involved in a child custody case then the law [I.C. 31-17-2-8 and 31-14-13-2] provides particular factors that the court must consider. These include well-being of not only the children but the parents also and the environment in which they reside, relationships with others and the wishes of each parent.

Others of you not involved in child custody conflicts may still seek to improve your interpersonal relationships, physical health, financial standing or any of an unlimited list of possibilities that can be as minor as finding time and money for a vacation or as major as becoming organized. All start at the same point and require a similar level of dedication and assistance.

Self-improvement is enmeshed in a network of integrated life traits and skills that have a circular relationship. So whatever benefits you seek, having a strategy as to when and where to jump onto that merry-go-round will determine your success or failure.

In thinking of child custody, it is not a legal decision but a judgment made upon the parenting behaviours and skills of the parties involved. To effectively advocate for your parenting responsibilities you should be in the best condition you can.

In thinking of financial security, it is not a matter of earning more but effectively managing the portions of your financial world that you have immediate control over and then adapting to the conditions of others.

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