Monday, December 28, 2015

Inducing action to improve Child Custody outcomes by identifying a need

I was once waiting in a line starting at three a.m. and upon awakening from my brief slumber which was upon the asphalt surface surrounding the building I began my stretching and meditation routine. The guy whom I was assisting sighed and exclaimed, “I wish I had that type of discipline.” I explained to him as I write here. It’s not discipline but part of fulfilling my biological need for exercise.

I previously wrote in My Top 10 Priorities about the needs which we all actually have plus some other activities that give my life meaning and fulfillment. I felt that what I had originally listed there then was rather comprehensive although when cruising around with Rupert Boneham one evening the subject of needs was broached and he mentioned that fire, or heat, was a need. Coming from someone who had been on the show Survivor multiple times I gave his inclusion of heat as a need full weight and amended my list.

As for exercise being a need it cannot be considered an absolute need as there have been plenty of long-term comatose patients who were bedridden and did not exercise. If however, optimal health or longevity is sought then exercise is essential to achieving those outcomes.

As for me, I seek both. I seek longevity and having a robust active lifestyle while I am biologically plugging away. I have created such a strong predisposition in myself for the attachment of the chemical connectedness to the flow produced from my exercise and meditation routines that it can impede my studies and productivity. Like those who habitually use caffeine, marijuana, cocaine or any other psychoactive drug to alter their mood I use exercise to achieve the same. If I miss my routine I clearly am in a different mood and may get headaches, be irritable, or lethargic. There have been times when I have engaged in vigorous exercise for greater than five hours knowing I should stop but also thriving on the serotonin rush. Thus, I now employ strategies, such as time blocking, to ensure that I do not allow myself to be consumed by physical activity.

By framing exercise in the realm of need, just as oxygen or food, it is no longer considered optional. Every day I awaken and know that I will soon be attending to my needs. Breathing comes naturally as does excreting processed food which tends to set its own schedule. Just like eating, exercise is scheduled - usually prior to eating so as not to have smooth muscles competing with striated [skeletal] muscles for blood supply.

It may seem that doing such things as changing diet, ceasing the use of toxins and mood altering chemicals, and initiating an exercise routine into a lifestyle in which those needs have been neglected is an unsurmountable task. This feeling is more prominent in those people who have been given plans that are set-up to insure failure. I, however, have strategies available to clients that ensures their success in reframing these actions as needs. There is a different need that is of equal or greater importance for parents and children involved in child custody battles.

In child custody cases needs for parents and the children are greater than those of the ordinary person. Continuing with the optimal well-being qualification, attentiveness to children, respect for the other parent, and establishing a long-range view of the relationships with all persons involved can be viewed as essential supplemental needs.

Children have a range of reactions to parental conflict or the reordering of their relationship. Children need parents who are cognizant of and attentive to their reactions to the conflict or turmoil and the effect it is having on them. Attentive parents will act to ensure that their actions are in alignment with fulfilling the needs of the children. This may require going against cultural norms and standing up to pressures from family and friends who lack the greater insight of an attentive and mindful parent.

The United States, especially among the plains and mountain regions, is predominantly imbued by an honour culture. Aggression and violence are expected and often sanctified as means of defending one’s honour or rightful place in the hierarchy of respect. Thus, there is a cultural resistance to substituting the well-being of children for the honour demands of a parent. Likewise, parents who have been a part of organized aggression and violence against children with built in honours, such as serving in the US imperial armed forces, may find this to be a greater challenge but I do have strategies that enable them to come to a child centered cognitive focus.

Children need the attention, affection, respect, and reassurances that both parents can provide during or following a reordering of the parental relationship. By being mindful of every action and attentive to the effect upon the children it is easy to reframe a desire to seek retribution or accountability against the other parent for committing a perceived offense to a thought such as “I need to not perpetuate the conflict and trust myself that I am modeling an appropriate behaviour that my child will understand is in his or her best interest.”

Parents each showed great reverence to the other when establishing that life-long bond surrounding mutual child creation and rearing. Children need for their parents to continue that respect throughout their lives. As a parent who is respectful of your child and his or her needs it is incumbent upon you to continue to revere the other parent for his or her part in creating the child with you and to comply with the court orders regardless of whether that respect or obedience is reciprocated.

If I have yet to be convincing at this point then imagine this scenario. Your child is snuggled with his or her future spouse compiling a list of to whom wedding invitations are to be sent. The fiance notices that your child has not included either parent and mentions such. Your child then begins crying and explains that both parents are so bitter towards each other and argue so often that he or she fears inviting them because they may cause a scene and it wouldn’t be fair to invite one and not the other because they both cause the fights.

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Parents who would like to achieve the best outcome for their children in a contested child custody case should visit my website and contact my scheduler to make an appointment to meet with me. Attorneys may request a free consultation to learn how I can maximize their advocacy for their clients.

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©2008, 2015 Stuart Showalter, LLC. Permission is granted to all non-commercial entities to reproduce this article in it's entirety with credit given.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Family Division is extortion. The entire process must end immediately. Dismantle the Family Courts.