16 December 2013
Sometimes it is good to take some ethical axioms and stand them on their head. One that I've always thought to be most absurd is “You can attract more bees with honey than you can vinegar.” Well hell give me vinegar because I don't need to end up in the hospital from reacting to bee stings. Today however I want to explore the notion of not being judgmental based upon physical appearances – Don't judge a book by its cover.
Saturday I took a day off from the usual research, study and writing. Instead I went sledding and built an igloo with my bestas gal pal and then came home and worked on class assignments with her sister. After that we engaged in our oft enlightening philosophical banter. One of the topics that arose this time of what does physical appearance reflect.
My position on it is well settled: Females must possess the physical attributes typically associated with a beach bunny if they are to maintain my attention. It also helps to exude confidence through posture and gait. My bestas does fashion modeling. As well, the married woman whom occupied much of my time during high school was an actress and model. In between have been a wide range but nearly all possessed that general quality that prompts a second or third glance from guys walking by.
In exploring this topic we agreed that it is important to make a gate-keeper judgment based upon physical appearance. That is, who is given a chance to develop a relationship upon which deeper character judgments can then be made. This is consistent with book buying practices where it is the information on the cover that weighs heavily on the purchase decision. It is also the reason a presidential candidate will do something like spend $400 on a haircut. Physical attributes are the gate-keeper that members of our society emphatically employ while readily admonishing their brethren to avoid.
I get to see the best and worst of people in relationship conflict. I also know many people who have had marriages spanning numerous decades. Those who have those enduring marriages generally evoke a feeling of cohesiveness. They appear to belong together. In opposition are those with whom a visual bond appears to be lacking.
Video and print marketing professionals know the value of physical appearances. Winners have the look of winners. Successful people have the look of success. Politicians and realty agents use specialized photographers and coaches with psychology training to assist them with the look of trust.
Clearly we can be fooled as politics aptly demonstrates as well as many unsuccessful marriages likewise do. That doesn't mean don't play to it though. Instead I encourage you to embrace it. You likely can think of couples you've known that looked the part of a couple who remain married. Contrarily there were those that upon first impression elicited at least an ephemeral thought that they don't belong together who may now be divorced or disengages from marital bliss.
In a macro sense I steadfastly believe that our physical appearance is a reflection of our essence. In reading body language cues most of us, some better than others, are able to identify micro moods in people – anger, cheer, misery, coyness and the like. It is belief and broader thought that exist chronically – a person's essence – which I feel becomes manifest in outward appearances. Those you may know who are bitter, miserable or depressed have that look. It may be in sharp contrast to their look prior to a life changing betrayal or failure.
The Talking Heads lyrics to Seen and Not Seen are worthy of reflection.
He would see faces in movies, on T.V., in magazines, and in books.... He thought that some of these faces might be right for him....And through the years, by keeping an ideal facial structure fixed in his mind....Or somewhere in the back of his mind....That he might, by force of will, cause his face to approach those of his ideal....The change would be very subtle....It might take ten years or so.... Gradually his face would change its' shape....A more hooked nose... Wider, thinner lips....Beady eyes....A larger forehead. He imagined that this was an ability he shared with most other people....They had also molded their faced according to some ideal....Maybe they imagined that their new face would better suit their personality....Or maybe they imagined that their personality would be forced to change to fit the new appear- ance....This is why first impressions are often correct... Although some people might have made mistakes....They may have arrived at an appearance that bears no relationship to them.... They may have picked an ideal appearance based on some childish whim, or momentary impulse....Some may have gotten half-way there, and then changed their minds. He wonders if he too might have made a similar mistake
So preen, strut your stuff and go after the one who catches your eye. Grab what your inner-self finds physically attractive then take a closer look. I'll keep my door open for Keira Knightly but that doesn't mean I won't slam it on her ass.
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Monday, December 16, 2013
Judge People By Their Looks For Successful Relationships
16 December 2013