21 December 2013
Yes, this is going to be one of those postings where I again provide an in-your-face view of hot-button issues. First my demographic disclosure: I am male, Caucasian, and heterosexual. I have no plans to change any of those. Typically I don't disclose my sexual preference as I feel that is no one's business but here I feel it may be a relevant feature. Second thing I have to say is that I intend to provide an objective analysis but it will be upon you to determine if it is presented in an objective manner. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Make a suggestion for me to write about.
So a chickie calls me earlier today and says she and her sisters are going out dancing tonight and she wants me to come along. I am always up for a night out with a pack of vixens so 'take me I'm yours' prevails over prior plans. Then I get the call that some of the gals want it to be a “girls' night” and I am now uninvited. Apologies and rationalizations abound but it's unnecessary. Were apologies offered to these two young men in Marion, Indiana before they were lynched?
Let me just jump in with race since I have strong associations with that in my past. It was back in high school that I first became very perceptive of the race game and people's prejudices. Being an activist type person I took a stand opposing racism and sexism and spoke out. I was invited to and attended various meetings of groups to which I apply the blanket term “civil rights organization.” I soon learned that there is no better way to alienate yourself from a room of people than to say that you want to end discrimination against everyone – including white males – not just against their particular demographic group. One sector of the broader civil rights sphere actively courted me. That was the collective “skinheads”. They were very open to someone who advocated for eliminating discriminatory practices against whites. Unfortunately as I got wrapped up in that I lost focus of the broader objective – eliminating government sponsored discrimination. I soon was an advocate of civil rights, but only for my demographic. Sound familiar?
In a magazine article about me the writer interviewed an administrator from my high school who was bewildered by my skinhead activism as I had so many black friends. Always have and still do. In one incident I was out with the skins and the counter server at an establishment was black. One of the skins asked for a white server and the young black man promptly complied. I said to that skin, “You are %$#@!& up. That white dude could be filthy.” But I will always advocate for someone to have the right to chose who serves him or who he associates with regardless of how illogical it may seem to me. Likewise, my party has been the only white guys in a club on 87th Street in Chicago – a predominately black area – where if I wasn't welcomed because of my race I would fully support the proprietors of that private establishment banishing me. There are places like that where you will be let known by inference that you are not welcome.
Whether it is that social setting or an activist organization there is, at best, only an implicit discrimination. The purveyors of this may have a perfectly logical reason for this. Often times foods, music, language, religion and other customs are particular to racial or ethnic cultures. So does it seem logical that there should be an establishment that caters only to them so they can feel completely at ease, almost as being at home – not on display, not a curiosity? Likewise it seems logical that they have organizations that know the subtleties of discrimination against their demographic advocating for non-discrimination policies.
Way back when during my youthful days I got to see the power of using race first hand. When I was in prison I was naturally thrust into the position of leading that institutions loosely assembled Aryan Brotherhood. As a general principle in prisons inmates are not to assemble in groups in the yard. Whenever I was seen in the yard meeting with the hierarchy of another racial group I got yanked in for an interrogation. Racial groups in prison not fighting each other is the security threat. The government wants racial groups to fight each other. This produces demands for the government to take action. This means deny liberty as government cannot provide freedom.
Just as in the racial realm gender politics is based upon maintaining discriminatory practices. While advocates purport to seek an end to discrimination, again, the reality is exactly the opposite. No where have I seen this more clearly expressed than in the area of Domestic Violence. Discriminatory practices are blatant, especially at the government level – The Violence Against Women Act. Of course this is clearly consistent with the principle upon which the United States declared its independence, that all men are created equal. There the term “men” had to be carefully defined though as to avoid including anyone the Founders didn't wish to have similar freedoms bestowed upon as those they declared for themselves.
I have said it before that these gender-based advocates are the most insidious. They actually choose to have have children killed to advance their agenda. The agenda by it's very nature is not to end violence but to increase violence by one demographic while at the same time encouraging, de facto, violence against that demographic.
A common interest among the varying advocates and organizations, be it those associated with race and gender issues, medical research, crime prevention and child wellness is their survival. If the stated objective of any were to be achieved then their purpose for existence would cease to exist. This internal conflict is what leads them to perpetuate rather than solve the problem. It is inconsistent for the subconscious to seek to end that on which it survives.
Contrary to the assertions by the conspiracy theorists I counter that there is no grand plan to perpetuate any of these social or bodily ills. Rather, there is no intrinsic incentive to not do so. That is, there is a great financial payoff for the effort to combat the ill but none once victory is achieved. The victory, in effect, threatens their survival.
Thus, people adapt behaviours that ensure their survival. When men going through child custody battles were overwhelmingly losing based on little more than maternal preference they organized into “men's rights groups” as a way to combat gender discrimination. That new found power and the resulting legal victories led to mother's fighting back with the Domestic Violence claim. The gender stereotyping of that issue intentionally left men without legal recourse while being abused. A law enforcement officer, by inference, told me that when my wife was abusing me to hit her back. My options were leave or defend myself. As another officer said, “No judge in Boone County is going to issue [a DVPO] against a woman.” Logic then tells us that providing only those two options is going to perpetuate violence not reduce it. Perpetuating social ills through demographic based power difference is a basic principle that I have long realized. This is why I have avoided the aforementioned “men's rights groups” as their existence generally promotes discrimination against men. It is my steadfast adherence to gender neutrality that has evoked extreme vitriol by women's groups as well as being shunned by men's groups.
So this brings me back around to the “girls' night out” and how it promotes sexism and racism. The rationalization is that they can be girls without the imposition of a male presence. This is the same rationalization used by female only health clubs. However, straight arrow as I am sexually, I like wearing my clothes designed for women, tending to babies, talking about feelings, having silky smooth shaved legs – that the girls do like – and doing typically girls' activities while avoiding the male culture beer drinking sports scene.
While this “girls' night out” may seem innocuous enough a deeper understanding of the long history of race and gender politics in America reveals the true harm. It explicitly states that discrimination – based on birth traits -- is acceptable, but only because it is rational. That is, it is based upon behaviours common to, but not exclusive to, women or men. People who share traits of both are what Bem called “androgynous.” Recall that earlier I spoke about cultures. In larger cities there has generally existed a China Town section that caters specifically to the needs of the southeast Asian culture. That seems quite rational. It is convenient. It is efficient. Likewise a community of only white American Christians would be convenient and efficient. Everyone would say Merry Christmas in English without concern for offending anyone. Stores would only stock religion specific greeting cards for Christians and have no need to stock hair care products for African-Americans. Grocery stores wouldn't stock ethnic foods. Employers would not have to go through that bothersome and expensive cultural sensitivity training. All language usage would be in English.
If you are thinking that there is a big difference between some women getting together for a night out and a group of people establishing a community based upon race and religion I contend otherwise. There is no drawing a line of distinction between these. The discrimination against me as a man is based upon presumed norms, values or techniques that may seem odd, irrational or even inferior to the prejudiced woman. Those are the same criteria used by xenophobes to discriminate based upon race. Either an action acknowledges the characteristics of a person individually or is based upon an extrinsic trait – gender, age, race – or class membership such as religion.
Everything I heard about why I was uninvited out this evening presupposed me. I was discriminated against solely because of my gender based upon someone's ethnocentric view of me. I was not given the respect of being a person but was instead seen only as a manifestation of a class – men. I have been “out with the girls” numerous times since high school and fit right in. Sometimes so well that I was told that my presence was appreciated more than some other particular female. But tonight there can be no such acknowledgment. I am already judged – judged not good enough.
What this woman may have missed is that her discrimination against me, her prejudice, her rationalization is the exact formula for institutional racism. If she wants to be that way, I have no problem with it. I support her right to be bigoted. I just don't want her or anyone else to deny it. More tragic though it appears that she is going to poison the mind's of her children just because she recently got divorced and the guy she was dating told her today that he wants no further contact with her.
Now back to my original plan of studying “Sociology: Your compass for a new world” so I can be more knowledgeable while pursuing gender-neutral laws and policies for the State of Indiana.
Parents who would like to achieve the best outcome for their children in a contested child custody case should visit my website and contact my scheduler to make an appointment to meet with me. Attorneys may request a free consultation to learn how I can maximize their advocacy for their clients.
Connect with me for the latest Indiana child custody related policy considerations, findings, court rulings and discussions. 
Sunday, December 22, 2013
A girls night out - Sexism, racism, and other forms of discrimination endured by societal demand
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Each Day I Die - Finding Wellness in Child Custody Conflict
21 December 2013
The noir film Each Dawn I Die has not a thing to do with this posting but it does nearly match by name and is a good flick so while thinking of it I linked to the synopsis. Now on with Each Day I Die.
In the realm of child custody litigation I try to establish within parents an overarching goal to be the improvement of the parent-child relationships while serving the desires and needs of the child. Relationships. While this can be done acutely in the litigation process the litigation process itself does not accomplish this overarching goal. It is fundamentally a win-lose dichotomy. So here I intend to demonstrate that conflict in child custody litigation does not correlate directly to a breakdown or damage to the parent-child relationship. Nor does it mandate by default a deterioration in the parent-parent relationship. By changing a frame of mind I propose that the “hostilities” or “conflicts” in child custody litigation may be mitigated and viewed as a positive.
So what do I mean by each day I die? At this time of year we are entering the festivals of rebirth, rebirth of the earth, the fauna and flora within. Though not dead in the demise sense these things experiences an annual life-cycle that mimics death. Simply put awakening from sleep is birth and going to sleep is death. Don't let this befuddle you. Somewhere in your culture you already experience this concept. One who may have a spiritual awakening could be 'born again' while a sick pet may be 'put to sleep' or in the correct application 'put to death.' For this I see it as analogous to the seasons and the evolution of flora. Each year trees shed their leaves, fruits fall to the ground, and an innumerable amount a vegetation withers and decays into the ground. The earth is replenished with nutrients, seeds are embedded in the newly produced soil and in the Spring trees bud and those seeds germinate.
During this annual process plants die – trees appear so as they 'sleep' – but are reborn through the flow of sap within and the germination of their seeds. Similarly, each morning thus far – for many more I suspect – I awaken while at some point later in the day or night I go to sleep. The time in between is when I live. When I experience a life cycle. I begin my day with growth – stretch, exercise and eat well. This is my primer to efficiency and accomplishment. I assess my responsibilities for the day and undertake the actions necessary to achieve progress. I said achieve progress, not achieve the task. I keep in mind that tomorrow does not exist for what can be done today. If I can compliment or thank someone today then that opportunity does not exist tomorrow. I get what needs to be done in this 'lifetime' done in this 'lifetime' because life will soon end. Before I go to sleep I shed all the baggage from that day. No project is left unfulfilled. No person is left hanging. The thoughts that consume my active day quit flowing. I meditate and practice mindfulness. I am mindful that I have lived that day and made a contribution but that as with all things it has come to an end. In short each day I live a full life that has a beginning and an end.
Keep thinking throughout your day that today is the last day of my life, let me live it therefore by making it as meaningful as possible, being of benefit to others, etc. Don't view this as a contradiction – making right for your end without a future. There is a residual effect of our prior lives on our rebirth. Much like the cults teaching that your current life portends a future life contingent upon a judgment of fulfillment of certain mandates. In our daily lives every action of body, speech and mind that we create lays down a subtle imprint in our mind which has the potential to ripen as future happiness or suffering, depending on whether the action was positive or negative. These imprints remain in the mind until they ripen or until they are purified or cleansed by spiritual practices. This produces the potentiality of the new life. Like our genetic code we are not harkened into existence upon a blank slate. Instead we are endowed with tendencies which we may follow, intuitively. That is our essence.
Now that you know the objective is to live a full life each day in preparation for the new life tomorrow you may want to know “How will this impact my child custody case?” Keep in mind that I said the goal is “improvement of the parent-child relationships.” You may already have an idea of what you think should be done. You may be thinking of what hasn't worked. You may be thinking that it is time to start reading my point-by-point plan for getting to your goal. Slow down a moment – you have the entire day! You can invest a few extra minutes to listen to me ramble on for something that will benefit you for the rest of your lives – all those days that you live a full life.
I'll be candid with you here. I am being verbose because I want for you to be invested in this. You have read this far so at this point you may as well go to the end or you will have wasted past time dedicated to reading this. Onward we march.
I am not going to give you specific actions to take into the court room. I am not even going to connect what I have to say to your child custody case. Likewise I am not about to apologize for dragging you along this far without delivering the goods. I am not going to try to bait and switch you into hiring me to provide specifics because I don't even have time for a new client.[1] Instead I am going to tell you why it is important to die each day and the effect that will have on your child custody case.
When you die each day, each day is a new life. What happened yesterday does not exist. Tomorrow does not exist. You then have the freedom to live in the moment. I'll present an example.
It's a beautiful day. Your child wants to be outside doing something fun and you know it. You want to provide that opportunity, especially considering the frequency with which you and your child can be together. You decide to go to one of those big water parks a ways off. But . . . . you've had some trouble with the car lately. You suspect that the starter is going out. As old as it is you are sure as soon as you replace that, something else is going to go. It's a money sucking black hole and you don't have the bucks to buy a new one and your credit is shot after all the unpaid bills during the divorce while you and the former spouse paid more to argue over them than it would have cost to just pay them off. So . . . you don't go. That is not living life today.
Living life today is finding that you were born with a car and using it. If it breaks down so what. Now you go hiking instead of swimming. So take shoes in addition to flip-flops. Treat that car as if it has never done you wrong and has no plans to do so in the future. Don't take this as freedom from planning or responsibility. Quite to the contrary it demands planning or responsibility. In the current scheme of our expected 75 or so year life we have and will continue to face challenges along the way. That is life. What I advocate is not to focus on and prepare for certain challenges but instead to imbue your future daily lives with the imprint of preparedness. The past is not known, the future is not predicted, but every challenge has the potential to be met.
Have you picked up on where this is going? When you wake up tomorrow to a new life you will have a child who hasn't been a bad child, who hasn't been the source of your frustration, and who hasn't brought great joy to you because that child has not been a part of this life that day. You will have a child that has a clean slate that you can serve that day. I am going to set apart the next sentence for clarity.
That child has a another parent.
This is where I kick you in the gut. When you wake up tomorrow to a new life you will have a parenting partner who hasn't been a bad parent, who hasn't been the source of your frustration, and who hasn't brought great joy to you because that partner has not been a part of this life that day. You will have a partner that has a clean slate that you can serve that day.
Don't discount that the other parent is your partner. Nothing has yet to happen so treat that parent as your partner. If there is parental alienation, high conflict, or hostile aggressive parenting that day then respond in a loving-caring manner. A manner that demonstrates the loving-caring attitude that you have for your child. Not for the sake of the other parent but from the perspective that allowing the other parent to be a better parent is showing loving-caring for your child.
You know what your current instinct when attacked or disrespected is going to be. But don't do that. Respond rationally. Be empathetic. Ask yourself first “How would I have viewed my actions?” and “How could I have responded? Then ask yourself “How could I have negatively viewed my actions?” and “How could I have negatively responded? This can help you to understand why you are being attacked. It will form the basis of your response. Agreeing to selective underlying objections can reduce hostility and promote cooperation.
When the children are returned a half hour late an email like this may be awaiting your arrival at home:
You are a @#$%!&# loser. I hope you know that when your always trying to mess up my plans you are really messing up theres. If you really cared about them as much as you say you do then you would start showing it. Next time you pull this $#!@ I am going to file contempt.
If you noticed the spelling/grammatical errors then kudos to you. Those are there because that is what people do when they boil over. They are reacting from the primal part of the brain – defending against a perceived attack – instead of from the reasoning frontal cortex. Your response could be something like this:
I understand how you could view my tardiness as being intentional. I don't want to cause you stress or make it difficult for you to get the children to bed on time. Unfortunately there was an issue with my car and the children's grandparents came to pick us up and then they wanted to take us to dinner. You know how they get to talking and eating so slow. I apologize for not calling. It would have been more responsibly appropriate for me to call and give you the opportunity to come pick them up.
That may totally catch him or her off guard. It may not win you any points but so what. If you have ever had a boss or coworker who gets on a rant looking for an argument and you keep agreeing, do you notice how that rant eventually runs out of steam? If it bothers you that your kind overture isn't reciprocated then go meditate on that. You can then sleep easy because tomorrow you will have a new life and the life in which you returned the children late no longer exists. Ha! You are off the hook.
Whether that other parent responds positively to your goodwill overtures does not foreclose an improvement in your parent-child relationship. Any effort is better than continuing the ongoing conflict that you know is harmful to the children.
As a person who dies each day and then is reborn the following day you are going to be uplifted by the benefits of the detachment from the experiences that inhibit most people from experiencing forward progression in their relationships. The challenges of a child custody conflict can give you the opportunity to experience the benefits of dying each day. A critical self-examination likely reveals that you are holding onto past hurts and transgressions from your marriage that reveal themselves as painful or hostile feelings when that other parent engages in a particular act. When you view that same act without being primed by the past – as though it was done by a stranger – then the feelings evoked by that act are less likely to be painful or produce hostility. Applying this throughout your everyday life will provide to you an ease by which to approach your usual activities and interactions which becomes self-fulfilling.
It is said that the mark of a spiritual practitioner is to have no regrets at the time of death. If your mind is calm and peaceful and imbued with positive thoughts at the time of death tonight, this will augur well for a happy rebirth tomorrow.
[fn1] If you do want assistance please do apply. The more people I have on my waiting list the more selective I can be about whom I can provide the greatest benefit. I am always available for emergencies where the immediate welfare or custody of a child is in jeopardy.
If you would like assistance improving your relationships around a child custody matter then please visit my website and contact my scheduler to make an appointment to meet with me. There is no charge for initial attorney consultations.
If you would like to follow my activities more closely then send a friend request to my Political FaceBook page.
Subscribe to this blawg.
More information about my child custody and well-being policy efforts may be found on my LinkedIn page.
©2008, 2013 Stuart Showalter, LLC. Permission is granted to all non-commercial entities to reproduce this article in it's entirety with credit given.
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Teaching your Children about Santa Claus, or; Why it's best to Beat your Child with a Stick
The time is again upon us when we can trust in the commercialization of Christmas to bring us the omnipresent Santa Claus. The St Nicolaus of lore. The puffy man clad in red and white garb whisk about the skies by eight reindeer and their reddened beacon mate as a guide. The fanciful stories of superhuman capabilities. The arbiter of whom gifts are to be bestowed upon for their exemplary behaviour, or at least that which exceeds the minimum threshold for being strangled. But how effective is the use of an alleged omniscient overseer of the mechanism of bribery in maintaining discipline in children, or adults for that matter? And, what does it teach? Effective discipline is not the result of having to catch the child being “good” or “bad” (concepts which I feel are only abstract and not rooted in actuality) but of helping the child understand the goal of respectful social interaction. To be effective the child needs to see actual results rather than attempt to memorize a set of arbitrary guidelines. These natural consequences reinforce the root of the desired behaviour as well as the respect for the sage advice of the adult. Rational limits should be placed on teaching through cause and effect, or consequence, but advising and letting a child chose can have a more lasting impact. As George W Bush once famously said, "There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." That doesn't help one bit but the idea is that it is shameful to be repeatedly fooled. Just like the spouse who was cheated on through an elaborate ruse that “everyone else knew about”, the child who is gulled by parents, relatives, neighbors, media, business interest, and likewise fooled cohorts is shamed when confronted by the reality. The very people that the child trusted, adored, relied upon were all laughing behind his back at “his stupidity” or so he feels. While an adult he may look back and profess to be unharmed thereby rationalizing his demeaning his own child with the same fairy tale ruse but the harms, however repressed, will always linger. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Make a suggestion for me to write about.
The root of discipline, proper behaviour as it may be called, is providing children with opportunity and responsibility through modeled actions. Children are too often robbed of these elements by hurried parents who are not willing to invest time in modeling or explaining the purpose of acceptable interactions. Instead children are told what to do, when to do it and how to feel about. “I told you to do that now and you'll be happy about it.” But that robs children of a voice, a sense of belonging, and respect.
The threat of reward or punishment as a means of attaining desired behaviours is not an effective tool. Instead punishment produces quick obedience followed by vengeance, resentment and rebellion. A child adapts by avoiding detection, harboring anger, and acquiescing out of fear. Rewards function in a similar manner. Rather than readily comply, the child may hold-out for the benefit offered by a pliant parent. The child quickly learns the power play of rewards and punishment instead of the social responsibility of rightious behaviour. The child learns to win favours and instead of discipline the parent-child relationship becomes that of winner and loser. When a parent wants to be a winner that makes the child the “loser.” This can only exacerbate the problem.
When engaged in the discipline power struggle, adults often feel threatened, hurt or inadequate. These feelings are expressed in frustration or anger as those at least, ironically, provide a sense of control. The resultant can be vilification and humiliation. This demeaning of the child is disrespectful and breaks the essential element of positive discipline – mutual respect.
It's advisable to not chase each other and run around in certain situations. The child who decides to do so and ends up crying over a scraped knee is offered a wet cloth. That child learns to take ownership of his actions. He decided, against your pearls of wisdom, to undertake the action for which he now likely regrets and must tend to on his own. Over time these events will reinforce in him a respect for your cautionary admonitions.
If you still remain tethered to the idea that punishment, especially physical, teaches children fit and proper behaviour then try applying that in real life. You find that when your back is turned that your child is darting between cars in a parking lot in contradiction of your command. That provides a great opportunity to administer your typical assault on the child's rear end and then freely turn your back to the child when in parking lots now that he has “learned” not to dart between cars. Likely you will catch yourself trying to monitor your child to ensure his safety although you already “taught” him not to engage in the unsafe behaviour.
So this brings us back to Santa Claus. That threat of reward or punishment has no intrinsic value as it is not based upon a natural consequence and does not demonstrate respect for the child. The insidious nature of this confabulation of the reward/punishment medium is revealed in its resultant effect.
Eventually children learn of the great deception of Santa Claus. The older they are when enlightened the more severe the effect. As spouses who have been cheated on know, the dismantling of trust through a great deception becomes a bond that is difficult to rebuild. Moreover the child learns that lying is an accepted measure when seeking a desired result – the ends justify the means. Finally, there is the humiliation.
It is time to slough those teachings about Santa Claus and anything else that portends some omnipresent force tabulating behaviours for which rewards are withheld or punishments are meted. Instead, you should demonstrate respect for your children by acknowledging their ability to learn, develop, appreciate and eventually respect you as a loving, nurturing, guiding parent that you aspire to be. Don't let an “innocent” fairy tale destroy a healthy relationship before it has time to blossom.
Parents who would like to achieve the best outcome for their children in a contested child custody case should visit my website and contact my scheduler to make an appointment to meet with me. Attorneys may request a free consultation to learn how I can maximize their advocacy for their clients.
Connect with me for the latest Indiana child custody related policy considerations, findings, court rulings and discussions.
Monday, December 16, 2013
2013 IPTG Christmas Break Schedule - Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines Changes Amendments
16 December 2013
Christmas break for the schools may be or soon will be upon us. I am aptly kept abreast of this most discombobulated of holidays in the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines by the numerous requests for clarification that pour into my email accounts. But alas, there is relief. Following is an explanation of the reason for amending the Christmas Break.
IPTG Sec. II(F)(2)(B) Christmas Vacation
Here is the instance where the cart is leading the horse. More cooperative parents have long abandoned the additional burden of the New Year's Day schedule and trying to figure out in which year to apply it. These parents would split the child's Christmas break in a form that was substantially close to half with exchange occurring at a reasonable time. The high conflict parents however would choose instead to engage in absurdities such as exchanging the child during the first few hours of a calendar day. No judge I know of has ever looked favourably towards a parent who insisted on a 2:00 a.m. exchange because that is what the “guidelines” required. Oblivious to the implication of the term 'guideline' no doubt.
Just as these cooperative parents have done for years the Guidelines have now removed New Year's Day as a holiday. Instead Christmas Break is split in half. The rule provides specific guidance as to exchange times and the definition of the break period.
The IPTG, as amended effective 01 March 2013, provide the following Christmas Vacation schedule:
The NON-CUSTODIAL PARENT shall have the FIRST one half (1/2) of the Christmas vacation unless the parties agree otherwise. Absent agreement of the parties, the first half of the period will begin two hours after the child is released from school. The second half of the period will end at 6:00 p.m. on the day before school begins again. In those years when Christmas does not fall in a parent’s week, that parent shall have the child from Noon to 9:00 P.M. on Christmas Day
The CUSTODIAL PARENT shall have the LAST one half (1/2) of the Christmas vacation unless the parties agree otherwise. Absent agreement of the parties, the first half of the period will begin two hours after the child is released from school. The second half of the period will end at 6:00 p.m. on the day before school begins again. In those years when Christmas does not fall in a parent’s week, that parent shall have the child from Noon to 9:00 P.M. on Christmas Day.
The New Year's Day holiday has been removed. There may be limitations for children under the age of three (3) years of age.
CAUTION: The IPTG that were in effect at the time of your parenting time order are applicable unless otherwise agreed or ordered by the Court.
HERE you may find further analysis of the IPTG changes that were implemented in 2013.
HERE is the 2014 IPTG Holiday schedule
It is highly suggested by myself, practitioners and judicial officers that you adopt the 2013 Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines to your child custody case. If you would like to receive a boiler plate to file an agreement for adopting the new guidelines to your case then contact me and I will send one to you.
If you would like assistance in a contested child custody case then please visit my website and contact my scheduler to make an appointment to meet with me. There is no charge for initial attorney consultations.
If you would like to follow my activities more closely then send a friend request to my Political FaceBook page.
Subscribe to this blawg.
More information about my child custody and well-being policy efforts may be found on my LinkedIn page.
©2008, 2013 Stuart Showalter, LLC. Permission is granted to all non-commercial entities to reproduce this article in it's entirety with credit given.
Judge People By Their Looks For Successful Relationships
16 December 2013
Sometimes it is good to take some ethical axioms and stand them on their head. One that I've always thought to be most absurd is “You can attract more bees with honey than you can vinegar.” Well hell give me vinegar because I don't need to end up in the hospital from reacting to bee stings. Today however I want to explore the notion of not being judgmental based upon physical appearances – Don't judge a book by its cover.
Saturday I took a day off from the usual research, study and writing. Instead I went sledding and built an igloo with my bestas gal pal and then came home and worked on class assignments with her sister. After that we engaged in our oft enlightening philosophical banter. One of the topics that arose this time of what does physical appearance reflect.
My position on it is well settled: Females must possess the physical attributes typically associated with a beach bunny if they are to maintain my attention. It also helps to exude confidence through posture and gait. My bestas does fashion modeling. As well, the married woman whom occupied much of my time during high school was an actress and model. In between have been a wide range but nearly all possessed that general quality that prompts a second or third glance from guys walking by.
In exploring this topic we agreed that it is important to make a gate-keeper judgment based upon physical appearance. That is, who is given a chance to develop a relationship upon which deeper character judgments can then be made. This is consistent with book buying practices where it is the information on the cover that weighs heavily on the purchase decision. It is also the reason a presidential candidate will do something like spend $400 on a haircut. Physical attributes are the gate-keeper that members of our society emphatically employ while readily admonishing their brethren to avoid.
I get to see the best and worst of people in relationship conflict. I also know many people who have had marriages spanning numerous decades. Those who have those enduring marriages generally evoke a feeling of cohesiveness. They appear to belong together. In opposition are those with whom a visual bond appears to be lacking.
Video and print marketing professionals know the value of physical appearances. Winners have the look of winners. Successful people have the look of success. Politicians and realty agents use specialized photographers and coaches with psychology training to assist them with the look of trust.
Clearly we can be fooled as politics aptly demonstrates as well as many unsuccessful marriages likewise do. That doesn't mean don't play to it though. Instead I encourage you to embrace it. You likely can think of couples you've known that looked the part of a couple who remain married. Contrarily there were those that upon first impression elicited at least an ephemeral thought that they don't belong together who may now be divorced or disengages from marital bliss.
In a macro sense I steadfastly believe that our physical appearance is a reflection of our essence. In reading body language cues most of us, some better than others, are able to identify micro moods in people – anger, cheer, misery, coyness and the like. It is belief and broader thought that exist chronically – a person's essence – which I feel becomes manifest in outward appearances. Those you may know who are bitter, miserable or depressed have that look. It may be in sharp contrast to their look prior to a life changing betrayal or failure.
The Talking Heads lyrics to Seen and Not Seen are worthy of reflection.
He would see faces in movies, on T.V., in magazines, and in books....
He thought that some of these faces might be right for him....And
through the years, by keeping an ideal facial structure fixed in his
mind....Or somewhere in the back of his mind....That he might, by
force of will, cause his face to approach those of his ideal....The
change would be very subtle....It might take ten years or so....
Gradually his face would change its' shape....A more hooked nose...
Wider, thinner lips....Beady eyes....A larger forehead.
He imagined that this was an ability he shared with most other
people....They had also molded their faced according to some
ideal....Maybe they imagined that their new face would better
suit their personality....Or maybe they imagined that their
personality would be forced to change to fit the new appear-
ance....This is why first impressions are often correct...
Although some people might have made mistakes....They may have
arrived at an appearance that bears no relationship to them....
They may have picked an ideal appearance based on some childish
whim, or momentary impulse....Some may have gotten half-way
there, and then changed their minds.
He wonders if he too might have made a similar mistake
So preen, strut your stuff and go after the one who catches your eye. Grab what your inner-self finds physically attractive then take a closer look. I'll keep my door open for Keira Knightly but that doesn't mean I won't slam it on her ass.
If you are in need of counseling in marital or other relationships then please visit my website and contact my scheduler to make an appointment to meet with me. There is no charge for initial attorney consultations.
If you would like to follow my activities more closely then send a friend request to my Political FaceBook page.
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More information about my child custody and well-being policy efforts may be found on my LinkedIn page.
©2008, 2013 Stuart Showalter, LLC. Permission is granted to all non-commercial entities to reproduce this article in it's entirety with credit given.
Friday, December 13, 2013
How many questions does it take to get to the answer of a “yes” or “no” question? - Del Anderson of Child Advocates, Inc.
13 December 2013
Do you know why court room testimony doesn't make for good television drama? Because it is laborious, boring and – as in this example – so idiotic it make you want to ram your head into a wall.
So here is a brief portion of witness Del Anderson, a GAL for Child Advocates, Inc. of Indianapolis, being cross-examined in a child custody case.
COUNSEL: Are there currently any – any problems that [parents] are having with the custody arrangement and ... parenting time?
GAL ANDERSON: Can you be more specific about problems – what problems?
COUNSEL: That's what I am asking you. Are the – is there anything that you perceive as a problem with parenting time or the – the – the – uh – the – the parenting time schedule or our current custody arrangement? Are there any problems as a result what [parents] have right now?
GAL ANDERSON: Well the arrangements [parents] have is what the Court ordered.
COUNSEL: Right. Yeah – and I'm asking if there are any problems with that?
GAL ANDERSON: Do I have any problems with it?
COUNSEL: Not if you – (Indiscernible). Are there any problems that [parents] are experiencing with the current custody arrangement or parenting time schedule?
GAL ANDERSON: Well apparently [they] are dropping the kids off and picking up as [they] were ordered to do.
COUNSEL: Is that a problem?
GAL ANDERSON: If [they're] doing what [they] were ordered to do, no that's not a problem.
COUNSEL: So then my question was are there any problems with the current parenting time schedule and custody arrangement?
GAL ANDERSON: No, [they] have not had any problems from my understanding.
It is tinged with humor as you likely see someone who either doesn't know how to answer a yes or no question, is being hostile toward one side, or is just too stoned to know what is going on.
Oh and that is who Child Advocates, Inc. of Indianapolis employs to make the critical recommendations that affect the ultimate well-being of children. YIKES!
If you would like to assist in a contested child custody case then please visit my website and contact my scheduler to make an appointment to meet with me. There is no charge for initial attorney consultations.
If you would like to follow my activities more closely then send a friend request to my Political FaceBook page.
Subscribe to this blawg.
More information about my child custody and well-being policy efforts may be found on my LinkedIn page.
©2008, 2013 Stuart Showalter, LLC. Permission is granted to all non-commercial entities to reproduce this article in it's entirety with credit given.
Friday, December 6, 2013
Indiana Commission on Improving the Status of Children to meet 11 December 2013
07 December 2013
The third meeting of the Indiana Commission on Improving the Status of Children is scheduled for 11 December 2013 from 10:00 A.M. - 2:00 P.M. At the Indiana Government Center South. Members of the public are invited to attend but it is not a public input session.
The multi-branch statewide Commission is aimed at improving the status of children in Indiana. In cooperation with other entities, members of the State Commission on Improving the Status of Children will study issues concerning vulnerable youth, review and make recommendations concerning pending legislation, and promote information sharing and best practices.
I have a meeting with a Commission member prior to the session but will be available during the lunch break to anyone who would like to converse.
If you would like to assist in advancing child well-being legislation then please visit my website and contact my scheduler to make an appointment to meet with me. There is no charge for initial attorney consultations.
If you would like to follow my activities more closely then send a friend request to my Political FaceBook page.
Subscribe to this blawg.
More information about my child custody and well-being policy efforts may be found on my LinkedIn page.
©2008, 2013 Stuart Showalter, LLC. Permission is granted to all non-commercial entities to reproduce this article in it's entirety with credit given.
