Lying to Children - Breaking Bonds of Trust

This time of year again reminds me of the simplicity with which adults lie to children and the cavalier attitude that they take towards doing such acts. The human specie requires the longest term of maturation of any life on Earth. From birth children trust their parents and must in order to survive. During periods of family upheaval such as divorce or separation that need is even greater as their foundation shatters and their risk of suffering harm increases.

It is this time of year that adults almost universally lie to children. They project a story of a mythical being who is all omniscient and doles out rewards for those who abide by an arbitrary standard of "right and wrong" while withholding such for those who have transgressed.

Adults support each other in perpetuating this fraud against the trusting and unsuspecting children. They often justify their conspiracy by citing that it is one of the "just for fun" childhood experiences. Ironically, many of these same adults will complain if their children lie about getting sh!t-faced drunk "just for fun".

No amount of rationalization negates the simple fact that parents lie to their children and then hypocritically expect their children to not do the same. A parent who uses bribery compounded with the threat of a third-party spy to ensure compliance with their arbitrary set of rules harms their children and their relationship to their children.

Discipline of children should be based upon mutual respect. Children want discipline. It is the responsibility of parents to effectively discipline their children which should not be done through threats or bribes.

When my son was three years of age I explained to him the concept of Santa Claus and the truth about the story as I have detailed here. At this moment, twelve years later, we have a rock-solid trusting relationship. There is no subject that he hesitates to broach with me when needing a truthful answer. He trusts my judgment because he knows that I trusted him with the truth. He has told numerous stories to me about the actions of his friends and he that few children would tell a parent. But I am not like most parents. I have been honest with him since birth and have built the foundation of trust that will last a lifetime.

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Parents who would like to achieve the best outcome for their children in a contested child custody case should visit my website and contact my scheduler to make an appointment to meet with me. Attorneys may request a free consultation to learn how I can maximize their advocacy for their clients.

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©2008, 2011 Stuart Showalter, LLC. Permission is granted to all non-commercial entities to reproduce this article in it's entirety with credit given.

What is in a guarantee? or Do you hear what is said or what you want to hear?

As I slept with the television on overnight I experienced some dynamic and somewhat cryptic dreams for which I seemingly had no control. I awoke from being in a library lecture hall where the subject was various types of body hair removal. Discussion of depilatories, electric shavers, razors and etc went on ad nausea. Many of the attendees cheered the results of the new product being promoted but I had no such excitement.

Television guides indicating a broadcaster as being "Science" or "Comedy" should be viewed much as one would a long-term weather forecast -- subject to change. So as I awaken to the headset clad beauty-queen wannabe with the pasted on make-up and chemically treated teeth that nearly outshine the over lit set touting this "breakthough" product I try to orient myself. It is then that the commercial goes to a commercial break.

In actuality the infomercial had ended which was a nice thing. So, before I can change the channel to something intellectually stimulating, or at least informative of something worthy of my attention, on pops a pimple-faced teen doting his face with some cream that gives him the appearance of having many miniature cupcake tops on his face.

The product is an acne treatment system named Proactive. The impetus for this posting is the guarantee offered by Proactive -- You will see results or your money back.

What they are hoping for is that the viewer hears "This is guaranteed to work as we have demonstrated or we will refund your payment." What I hear is in sharp contrast to that -- "Kiss your money goodbye you desperate sucker!"

Marketing often relies upon a visceral reaction to help you part with your money. So, it is important that you make decisions based upon logic and understand what the advertiser is saying. Proactive has claimed that "you will see results or your money back".

To properly examine this guarantee I will start with the word "results" as a noun -- that is the promised objective. Here is a definition of "results" -- something that happens as a consequence; outcome.

Here are some potential outcomes of applying a topical ointment to your face -- Pseudoporphyria, Urticaria, and a really adventurous outcome called Stevens Johnson Syndrome. It is a very rare, acute, serious, and potentially fatal skin reaction in which there is sheet-like skin and mucosal loss. Using current definitions, it is usually, possibly always, caused by medications.

The acne going away is a result. Getting a deadly skin reaction is a result. Essentially Proactive is guaranteeing that you will experience something between death or a completely clear face or you will get your money returned. That is where the analysis of that guarantee ends. Some guarantee!!!!

It is important that when engaging in any contractual agreement that you understand the terms. This is a dynamic that I often experience with parents going through child custody battles. They often hear what they want to hear instead of what is actually said, which can be very costly -- financially and emotionally.

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Make a suggestion for me to write about.

Parents who would like to achieve the best outcome for their children in a contested child custody case should visit my website and contact my scheduler to make an appointment to meet with me. Attorneys may request a free consultation to learn how I can maximize their advocacy for their clients.

Connect with me for the latest Indiana child custody related policy considerations, findings, court rulings and discussions.

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©2008, 2011 Stuart Showalter, LLC. Permission is granted to all non-commercial entities to reproduce this article in it's entirety with credit given.

Divorce and Custody Movie Review - Cyrus

Today I review Cyrus from my collection of divorce, child custody and child support related movies.

Cyrus [2010] Written and Directed by Jay & Mark Duplass. Starring John C Reilly and Jonas Hill in the roles of a divorced man who becomes the suitor to the mother of the young man who still lives at home with her. Hill embarks upon a subtle campaign of sabotage to keep Reilly from surpassing him in gaining the attention of his mother played by Marisa Tomei.

The film provides a very comedic look at the dynamics of step-parenting and the conflict that often arises between child and the newcomer. Director of Photography, Jas Shelton, invites the viewer to be intimately connected to the film through a documentary style camera.

Reilly has a very positive relationship and frequent interaction with his former wife, who had left him, and her about to be new husband. The film takes on a more somber tone as Hill manipulates himself into attending the wedding with Reilly and Tomei. There Hill physically attacks Reilly saying that Reilly will never come between him and his mom.

Reilly directly confronts denial when he proceeds to tell Tomei to wake-up and see what is going on. He then breaks off the relationship citing the potential for Hill to cause long-term damage. The film culminates with Hill, maintaining his manipulative style, managing to get Reilly and Tomei back together.

This film will resonate with adult children of divorce and those persons who are onto subsequent relationships while having an older child. The presentation of the difficulties and dynamics from the child focused perspective -- while maintaining some levity -- make this a film worth watching. Don't miss two of today's top comedic stars in poignant performances that demonstrate their true acting worth.

If there is a movie that you would like reviewed please send a request to me. The complete list of movies I have reviewed may be viewed here.

If you need assistance with parenting time, custody or support issues please visit my website and contact my scheduler to make an appointment to meet with me.

If you would like to follow my activities more closely then send a friend request to my Political FaceBook page.

Subscribe to this blawg.

More information about child custody rights and procedures may be found on the Indiana Custodial Rights Advocates website.

©2011 Stuart Showalter, LLC. Permission is granted to all non-commercial entities to reproduce this article in it's entirety with credit given.

S&P to Finish the Year Down - Investors and Parents Missing Out

On January first of this year I was asked where the S&P 500 would finish the new year after closing out the previous year at 1257. My answer was a resounding lower! This was in contrast to numerous analyst who were touting figures mostly ranging from 1325-1450. At that time the accounts under my management were 100% cash. Although I did miss some upside I have not succumb to the price declines felt by the buy-and-hold crowd or worse -- those who bought in during the first part of the year but sold after July.

Being an active manager has allowed me to beat the market by about 11.5% since the beginning of August after being 100% cash until that time. I do this by following what seems to be a self-evident principle that most investors and fund managers miss -- buy lower and sell higher. Instead of trying to maximize profits buy guessing the "low" and the "high" I simply seek a profit by buying lower and selling higher. Notice the fine distinction between that and "buy low and sell high" -- greed.

It is irrelevant what your buy-in price is as long as you follow this principle -- buy lower and sell higher. I trade the Standard & Poor's 500 ETF, referred to as the Spiders [referring to the Standard and Poor's Depository Receipts[SPDR] ETF, under the symbol SPY. Yesterday I got online at about 10:10am. I logged into the account and noticed that SPY was at 122.10. I had expected the market to weaken throughout the week after the exuberance of the non-event European Union agreement last Friday. I didn't bother looking for a trend, checking the news, volume or any of the comments by analyst and managers. Instead I followed my strategy of buy lower and sell higher. I placed a market order which hit at 121.957. That was lower than the price I had sold at over a week earlier. I was also hoping to strengthen holdings prior to today's unemployment report which I expect to improve slightly.

This decline also reinforces my conviction and basis for the prediction that the S&P 500 would finish the year lower. Regardless of what agreements may be reached by the European Union to prop-up member countries that have the potential to default on debt, no agreement will resolve the underlying issue -- governments are borrowing too much cash. Money that could be going into equities is going into bonds.

It is important to observe that most government and household debt is a result of the servicing of that debt -- the interest and opportunity costs. That is they are now paying the high cost of their procrastination and the opportunities they missed.

As we close in on two weeks to go the S&P 500 is down about 4% for the year as of Wednesday and is being guided by headlines from Europe. Specifically it is fear of a European contagion that is choking the US equity markets, and much of the world, at this time. Investors, reticent to ride the roller-coaster gyrations of the market, have been pulling funds out of US equity markets this year. The greatest amount was pulled out in August when prices were near their lowest for the year. Mutual funds have seen net withdrawals every month since.

This is going to be their undoing. Fear, an emotion, is being allowed to guide investment decisions. Instead, individuals should be assessing their personal financial situation and dedicating a proportional amount of their wealth to a managed US equity account based upon sound, logical principles.

This is unlikely to happen. In helping to manage the lives and custody cases of hundreds of people over the years I begin to see patterns. Being a student of Psychology and Anthropology reinforce the theories and conclusions gleaned from my observations of these cases. I suppose this is what makes me a successful stock trader, beating out three-fourths of professional fund managers who this year have not beat the S&P 500.

Fear and hesitation/procrastination will result in the loss of profit potential for many investors just as it will parenting time and other divorce settlement issues for many parents.

I am regularly contacted by litigants who are fearful of going into court, of making mistakes, of losing parenting time with or custody of their children. Often these parents have allowed their fear to paralyze themselves and then contact me in moments of desperation. In effect asking me to toss a life-preserver to them in an effort to rescue them from the anchor they have tethered to themselves which are now pulling them under.

Parenting, just as custody litigation, is not a moment-by-moment process to be addressed upon approach to a deadline or in response to an event. People that are effective in both view each as an ongoing process, a development, that must be tended to regularly. It is those who are proactive rather than reactive in their approach that achieve the greatest success.

In the coming year there will continue to be wild gyrations in the S&P 500. I will take a proactive approach and position my portfolios to take advantage of those. Unfortunately for most investors they will wait until the S&P 500 has maintained an upward bias with a floor of 1315 and much of the volatility has subsided before they reintroduce their money into the US equity markets. their investment decisions will be guided by fear of a loss and the hesitation to get in on a market until it solidly is moving up. That is called chasing profits. Their lack of foresight will cost them nearly all of any potential profit.

In the coming year I will continue to have parents come to me to "prepare for a custody hearing next week". This reactionary approach will continue to daunt many and leave children in a situation that is less than optimal -- fear and hesitation will continue to rule. Their lack of foresight will cost them financially and personally - missing out in the lives of their children for which they profess to care so much about.

Others will come to understand the importance of planning, receiving guidance and being proactive in their lives and that of their children. If you want to be one of these people please visit my website and contact my scheduler to make an appointment to meet with me.

If you would like to follow my activities more closely then send a friend request to my Political FaceBook page.

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More information about child custody rights and procedures may be found on the Indiana Custodial Rights Advocates website.

©2011 Stuart Showalter, LLC. Permission is granted to all non-commercial entities to reproduce this article in it's entirety with credit given.

Divorce and Custody Movie Review - Big Daddy

Today I review Big Daddy from my collection of divorce, child custody and child support related movies.

Big Daddy [1999] - Adam Sandler plays Sonny, a man age thirty-two who has no direction in life and was recently dumped by his girlfriend. While at the apartment that he shares with his roommate Kevin a child is dropped off. The boy, Julian, who is age 5 was accompanied by a note from his mother that says she is unable to take care of him and that Kevin is the child's father. But, Kevin is away on business and it is up to Sonny to figure out what to do.

The note instructs Kevin to deliver the child to social services if he will not take responsibility for him. As it is Columbus Day, social services is closed so it is left to Sonny to care for the boy. He contacts social services but then decides to keep the boy as a way to impress and improve his status with the girlfriend who recently ditched him. His friends advise against it but Sonny is not dissuaded. He calls social services and says he has decided to keep the child.

An assortment of comedic situations join moments of relationship building between Sonny and Julian. The legal procedures that take place in this film do not follow with real life such as Sonny getting to keep the child temporarily although paternity has not been established nor has an adoption proceeding. Eventually social services learns that Sonny has been pretending to be his brother and demands to take custody of the child. Sonny's decides to fight for custody of Julian. His father comes from out-of-state to assist in the custody fight that is peppered to testimonials and pleas from Sonny and a usual cast of misfits while courtroom procedures are ignored.

The film contains numerous examples of positive parenting techniques as Sonny lavishes the boy with attention and guidance while providing him with freedoms and responsibilities. However, the film suffers from lack of a plausible storyline, unrealistic or contrived situations and the aforementioned legal deficiencies. Sandler and his usual cast deliver an entertaining and uplifting film but don't rely upon it to help model your behaviour for a custody battle or prepare you for the courtroom process.

If there is a movie that you would like reviewed please send a request to me. The complete list of movies I have reviewed may be viewed here.

If you need assistance with parenting time, custody or support issues please visit my website and contact my scheduler to make an appointment to meet with me.

If you would like to follow my activities more closely then send a friend request to my Political FaceBook page.

Subscribe to this blawg.

More information about child custody rights and procedures may be found on the Indiana Custodial Rights Advocates website.

©2011 Stuart Showalter, LLC. Permission is granted to all non-commercial entities to reproduce this article in it's entirety with credit given.

Divorce and Custody Movie Review - Domestic Disturbance

Today I review Domestic Disturbance from my collection of divorce, child custody and child support related movies.

Domestic Disturbance [2001] Written by Lewis Colick, William S Comanor and Gary Drucker; directed by Harold Becker. Starring John Travolta, a boat builder, as the father of a young boy and Vince Vaughn, a wealthy investor, as the soon to be new husband of the boy's mother. Both men maintain an amicable relationship with each other as they explore their roles in the boy's life while being refereed by the mother. Travolta eventually discovers that Vaughn is not what he appears to be and has a past that is being resurrected by a former associate played by Steve Buscemi. The film culminates in a life and death struggle between to two men and the young boy.

This is a well written film that takes a very realistic approach to the roles of parents and subsequent partners following a divorce. The dynamics of the relationship between the characters is thoughtfully explored and the feelings of the boy, from his perspective and that of the adults makes this film worth watching. The film directly confronts the manipulation of the parents by the boy who plays them off each other in a power struggle. Buscemi, one of my favourite actors, gives a stellar performance in the manner that only he can deliver.

If there is a movie that you would like reviewed please send a request to me. The complete list of movies I have reviewed may be viewed here.

If you need assistance with parenting time, custody or support issues please visit my website and contact my scheduler to make an appointment to meet with me.

If you would like to follow my activities more closely then send a friend request to my Political FaceBook page.

Subscribe to this blawg.

More information about child custody rights and procedures may be found on the Indiana Custodial Rights Advocates website.

©2011 Stuart Showalter, LLC. Permission is granted to all non-commercial entities to reproduce this article in it's entirety with credit given.