Saturday, April 6, 2013

It's time to give up all Hope

I caution my coaching partners to “abandon all hope” stating that hope is the enemy of peace of mind just as is fear. Instead I ask that they focus on attaining future opportunities to fulfill their desires.

The OED defines hope as entertaining expectations of something desired. Literary examples allude to desires of anticipation which are contingent upon the actions of others. Essentially hope is having a desire, expecting that the desire will be fulfilled and removing yourself from the process or control aspects of fulfillment.

People hope for a wide array of outcomes. Everything from getting a raise to it not raining this weekend. The fallacy of hope can lead to almost certain disappointment. Feeling the increasing northern breeze descending upon the hot, muggy autumn air tells the meteorological astute that rain is a near certain in the immediate future. To expect otherwise and make a desire of it is an absurdity that is likely to leave one feeling disappointed or unfulfilled.

When applied to the child custody rulings that guide the relationships between so many parents and children now, having hope is not only neglecting responsibility but building the case for a major let down. I am often asked what I expect the judge's decision to be. Through numerous interactions I have insight into the minds of many judges but just as with jurors the only decision I expect is the one based upon the evidence presented and the law coupled with biases that aren't set aside.

This is where I apply the axiom that hope is the enemy of peace of mind. In child custody matters it is not the judge who makes a decision. The parents make the decisions. The judge hears and weighs the evidence, applies the law and issues a ruling.

With this perspective in mind, give up hope. Expecting your desires to be fulfilled at the whim of someone else is absolving yourself from responsibility for the outcome and positioning yourself for disappointment.

If you would like to take a more active role in your future, that of your children and your relationship with them then please visit my website and contact my scheduler to make an appointment to meet with me.

If you would like to follow my activities more closely then send a friend request to my Political FaceBook page.

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More information about child custody rights and procedures may be found on the Indiana Custodial Rights Advocates website.

©2008, 2013 Stuart Showalter, LLC. Permission is granted to all non-commercial entities to reproduce this article in it's entirety with credit given.

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