There is a group of pretenders on FaceBook posting a status update in which they pretend to be against Domestic Violence. This post in intended to inform and offend because these ignorant people need to be offended. However, anyone who truly is against Domestic Violence will put aside their hurt feelings and prejudices and will read this.
Here is what is being posted;
While you SCREAM at your woman, there's a man wishing he could talk softly to her in her ear. While you HUMILIATE,OFFEND and INSULT her, there's a man flirting with her and reminding her how wonderful she is. While you HURT your woman, there's a man wishing he could make love to her. While you make your woman CRY there's a man stealing smiles from her. Post this on your wall if you're against Domestic Violence
Anyone who refuses to acknowledge the majority of the victims of a crime does not want that crime to go away. In fact, this intentional obfuscation is deliberate by those holding a purpose and political agenda to ensure that domestic violence continues.
There is one sad reality that we must acknowledge and accept. Laws have been carefully crafted to ENSURE THAT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS NOT ELIMINATED so that it can be used as a tool for financial gain. That is the reality, not opinion.
In 2005 four male victims of domestic violence filed a taxpayer lawsuit in California -- Woods. v. Shewry.
In 2007, Sacramento Superior Court Judge Lloyd Connelly dismissed the case, ruling that men are not entitled to equal protection regarding domestic violence. On 14 October 2008 the Court of Appeal reversed that decision and held:
The gender classifications in Health and Safety Code section 124250 and Penal Code section 13823.15, that provide state funding of domestic violence programs that offer services only to women and their children, but not to men, violate equal protection.
It is the intention of DV lobbyist and others who receive DV funding to ensure that children continue to suffer the direct harm and collateral effects of DV so they can continue to seek funding to "tackle the problem". Yet, they have no intention of eliminating DV.
With that in mind there are some policy makers who do want to see it end and want the laws changed to allow it to end. Almost two years ago I was asked to provide testimony at the Indiana State House on the topic of Addressing Domestic Violence and Child Custody Decisions.
Unfortunately, the message is still not being heard. Some lawmakers refuse to acknowledge at least half of all cases of DV. I heard it said this year "99% of all acts of DV are committed by men". Also, that "woman are the victims of DV." This is deliberate misinformation intended to INCREASE the acts of DV. I will explain to you just how social psychologists have framed this issue to actually perpetuate acts of DV.
I still feel ashamed that I ever let it happen but I did take an oath to stand beside someone who was mentally ill and I didn't think having her sent to jail was the proper solution.
After putting up with all the attacks and even having a gun pointed at our child and the physical abuse against him I finally called the Boone County Sheriff's Department one night around 11:00pm. We lived on a corner lot out in the rural area. She and her gun were leaving one direction while law enforcement officers arrived from the other.
When I asked about a protective order I was told by the deputy "No judge in this county is going to issue an order to protect a man." He was correct. When I tried to get one against one of my stalkers I submitted the affidavits from witnesses clearly stating that this girl was coming by my house 20 times a day, had come in my house while I was gone, had taken items, etc. A police officer even told her to leave me alone. The judge denied my petition.
Another thing that the deputy said that night when I said was being abused by her was "Come on, you're a man." As to say, what's wrong with you, you can't stick up for yourself?
This illustrates the imbalance of power dynamic that helps to perpetuate DV attacks.
Judges and prosecutors are TRAINED to keep it going. They use phrases like "it's better to err on the side of caution" when issuing an order that is not supported by the evidence and is known to place the woman in a superior power position.
What they are really saying is, I need to remove power from one person and give it to another so that the [legally] powerless person will strike out violently from frustration. If you had never done anything to harm your child but a judge issued an order for you to leave your home, never have contact with your children again and pay all of your spouse's expenses, would you feel frustrated?
Guide to Psychology dot com reports that violence is the last resort of the weak and powerless. That a man will commit an act of DV out of pure frustration for not being able to do anything else.
Anyone who has objectively looked at DV situations and responses from the legal community know the reality for men. The police automatically assume that the man is the cause of the violence even if he shows signs of an attack and the woman doesn't. Judges will refuse to issue orders of protection for male petitioners and will issue them to keep men away from their home, children and workplace without any evidence to support the unjustified order.
The male victims feel disregarded, accused and powerless by those in a position of legal authority who have been trained to intentionally do this.
Psychologist Steven Stosny, Ph.D., based in Germantown, Maryland, says the things that make batterers turn to aggression are what he calls "core hurts." They boil down to a few--feeling disregarded, unimportant, accused, guilty, devalued or disrespected, rejected, powerless, inadequate or unlovable.
Karen Parker Thompson, a domestic violence expert, says she knows that 85-95% of victims are females so that is what they tend to concentrate on. However, what she doesn't tell you is that men are victims in about 75% of cases.
The Center for Disease Control reports that half of all DV cases include mutual aggression. There is just no data to support that women are victims at a higher rate than men, especially 85-95% which is an absolute lie by Thompson. Daniel Whitaker, PH. D., in the May 2007 issue of the Journal of Public Health, a CDC publication, reported that 70% of DV victims in non reciprocal cases are men. That means that when one person attacks another that a man is the victim is more than two-thirds of the cases.
Mandatory arrest laws, once thought to protect women from domestic abuse, are now being repealed because the rates of arrest were much higher for women and this was contrary to the propaganda effort used in passing the laws. A 1998 study of arrests in Los Angeles revealed the effects of the "must arrest" law: When the number of arrested men doubled, the number of arrested women quadrupled with the implementation of mandatory arrest. The laws are now being adjusted to conform to the desired result of having more men arrested by giving police officers the discretion to not arrest females.
DV does happen organically in some people but policy makers, judges and prosecutors intentionally try to ensure that people are physically assaulted by creating a power imbalance. They do this for the very reason that when a problem is solved the money flowing to solve the problem dries up.
The U.S. Department of Justice has a component called the Office on Violence Against Women (OVW) whose objective is to "reduce violence against women". According the USDOJ the OVW has awarded nearly $4 billion in grants and cooperative agreements. This money has been used to create partnerships among "police, prosecutors, victim advocates, health care providers, faith leaders, and others".
A perfect example of how a problem won't be solved because of those who rely upon the funding; The "war" on drugs. The "drug problem" will never be solved so long as people are making money off the "fight". Same with the multi-billion dollar DV industry.
Anyone who is serious about combating DV will read what Gordon E. Finley, Ph.D. , Professor of Psychology at Florida International University in Miami, has to say about it in Facing Reality on Domestic Violence
I have also written False Allegation of DV and Bogus Restraining Orders Harm Men, Women and Children and The Spurned Woman Who Cried Domestic Violence which may be viewed here.
Until there is a willingness to use truth in addressing this topic there will be no movement towards ending it.
As a victim of domestic violence I have been an advisor to legislative bodies, law enforcement, educators and others about the realities of domestic violence and effective solutions to combat it.
To those of you who perpetuate the MYTH that men are not victims of DV - You are shameless abusers of children!!!
If you truly want to combat DV then you will post this as your FaceBook status instead:
While a man hits a woman, there's a man wishing he could stop being hit or having things thrown at him. While a woman complains that she feels helpless, powerless and abused there is a judge abusing the rights of a man and making him helpless and powerless. I acknowledge that women commit acts of Domestic Violence as much as men and it is not a gender issue. Post this on your wall if you're against Domestic Violence.
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