In what may appear as an eclectic mix of topics today I present to you some insight on improving your wellness, child custody fitness and seeing actions in their base form. The side effect to this is going to be unconscious weight loss. So pick out your favourite snack, sit back, relax and take it in. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
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Elson Haas, M.D., author of The Detox Diet: The How-to and When-to Guide for Cleansing the Body of Toxic Substances, in his book says, "There are no diseases, only mistakes in living." It's a broad concept that encompasses personal responsibility, Universality and the search for Truth. Diet has long played a significant role in human existence. Substantial portions of the Talmud and other religious texts have borne proscriptions for proper dietary guidance while early Earth worship based religions based festivals upon the planting, growth and harvesting of food. Remnants of these practices still exist in our modern culture but in a much truncated form that has lost much of its spirituality in favour of mindless tradition.
As we pass into Autumn this weekend we are in the midst of the Fall festival season. I have been working in my garden for three days and take this interlude before getting onto another three days. Gardening is the essence of food appreciation. In itself it can be a great teacher while providing sustenance and solace for connecting with the spiritual realm. If you don't already have a garden then you should take this opportunity to begin. It doesn't need to be the equivalent of my 1000 square feet or so. It could be as small at a 10 gallon terrarium.
Why such a focus on food? Not a rhetorical question but neither one that I will provide a direct answer for which I don't have. Now reread that. Not the part about the rarity of me not having an answer but the question. Maintain that as an underlying thought as you continue.
I am quite the avid movie and documentary fan. I often am able to find real life relationships to movies as well as analogies. I don't pretend to have been born with some superhero abilities as M Night Shyamalan envisioned in Unbreakable as brought to life on the screen by Bruce Willis but I can't recall the last time I was truly sick -- to the point of interfering with daily life or work. I did go to the health department back in 2002 for what I think may have been a sinus infection. But enough of that. Back on point is a conversation I had once about comedians turning to acting: Steve Martin, John Candy, Eddie Murphy, Chris Farley and etc. The point of contention was if comedians could successfully make the transition. It was already undisputed that body builders couldn't successfully do so.
Certainly some comedians have failed in that endeavor or have not submitted to the screen performances on par with that of the top-tier actors. But that was the basis of my argument: these were neither comedians nor actors but, fundamentally, they were performers. They had simply been placed into different venues where they were sometimes constrained by the limitations of the material for which they were provided.
Looking to fundamentals helps to see the bigger picture. So it is with my perspective on food. I approach eating from the standpoint of that big picture fundamental -- as a source of nourishment. The Truth reveals to us that there is no great mystery to nourishing our bodies which have evolved over millions of years to consume that small amount of available material which will efficiently accomplish this. It's neither coincidence, miracle or grand scheme that allows this but simply the basic fact that if the Earth did not contain the nutrients for our survival we would not exist. Through trial and error a food supply has been deduced by humanity that allows our bodies to most effectively function. Our ancestors who were born with a taste for uncooked lima beans kidney beans or who ate the pits of apricots didn't survive long like those who favoured mangoes, bananas, spinach and cooked kidney beans. This is where our autumn festivals are rooted.
We should cherish the soil from which our plants emerge. Hold those plants in reverence. Appreciate and respect the awesome functioning of our digestive system and cell reproduction. I am not asking that you set a demarcation line for when you will start a new life of healthful eating. Instead make gradual changes that allow it to become a lifestyle that you will embrace.
Attending one of these festivals can get you started on that path. Make it a real one though, not something that has been perverted into just another commercial opportunity like those which offer Elephant Ears. Learn about seasonal planting and regional foods. Take this information home and let it infuse your daily food selections.
On a daily basis I dedicate about three hours to eating. I enjoy food and consumer a rather bountiful amount of it. When I go out to eat, which is to the only place worth going, -- Formosa -- I generally allow myself about two hours to savour my five plates full of food. People often find irony in the smallest person there eating about six pounds of food. But I assure myself that I am eating food by being able to identify exactly what I am eating.
When it comes to eating I use a simple blessing --
I prepare this food in unity with my body.
I have chosen this food to nourish my body and contribute to its well-being.
My body will use these nutrients to strengthen and build itself in unity with all others.
If you find that you are not honestly able to recite that blessing along with everything you are about to consume then you may have to re-evaluate whether you are seeking to nourish your body -- whether you are truly eating food.
I offer here a few specifics about food selection and preparation that are intended to help you examine your food attitudes. You may not realize the extent to which you have been programmed to adulterate food and harm yourself for the profit of others.
Sugar - The various forms of sugars are available to use through a broad selection of edibles. Two sugars should be avoided -- cane sugar [table sugar] and high fructose corn syrup [HFCS]. HFCS 55, the most common variety, is a manufactured substance that consists of 55% fructose and 42% glucose. This unnatural combination is difficult for the human body to process. It is a stressor on the immune system and can potentially be harmful to various smooth muscle organs. Cane sugar can cause problems in the GI tract by feeding yeasts, certain bacteria and parasites. It can also cause inflammation and trigger an immune response. In significantly elevated amounts it can lead to diabetes. There is also another reason not directly associated with nutrients. Consider the moral obligation to avoid these sugars [in the United States] that can better align you in unity with others and benefit your spiritual development.
Policies enacted by the United States Congress that deprive mostly poor, non-white people in developing nations and the southern states from reaping the financial benefits of selling their native crops to US consumers. Instead Congress has sought to exercise the US consumer from participating in the free market and attaining Truth by manipulating prices to encourage the consumption of disease inducing HFCS. The financial benefactors of HFCS sales are the multi-national corporations who produce and sell HFCS as well as the pharmacological industry that treats the associated ailments. But as Dr Haas said, "From the western point of view, problems of the body become, What can I take to make this go away?" As consumers we have demanded pharmacological alternatives to natural wellness.
Cutting out these sugars is likely to be more difficult psychologically than it will be physiologically. Ensuring that you have adequate protein in your diet will help reduce cravings for sweets. You can also try a conditioned stimulus for your sweets replacement. This is the strategy that advertisers use in their commercials [ever see a Coca-Cola commercial where someone is sitting alone on a couch in a depressive state?]. So use it for your benefit. Whenever you eat your replacement food hug your child, look through a photo album of happy experiences or find something else that elicits a pleasurable response. Eventually, after about one to three weeks, you can drop the conditioned stimulus and the replacement food should elicit a pleasure response on its own.
Researcher Robert Ader, Ph. D, University of Rochester School of Medicine, used this principle during drug therapy experiments on laboratory animals who had lupus. Ader gave saccharine flavoured water to the animals at the same time as the drug. After a few pairings Ader removed the drug. The animals maintained the same physiological response to the saccharine flavoured water as if they were still receiving the drug. The conditioned stimulus had become just as effective as the drug itself.
While selecting appropriate foods is important it is also necessary to practice proper food handling and preparation. We live in a culture which is over sanitized. I won't go into the cause and effect relationships now but I can say that only showering about three times a year has provided a great boost to my well-being including increased alertness and energy as well as a more balanced mood with an upward bias towards happiness. Showering, especially hot showering, has numerous adverse effects just as air-conditioning does. This can be detrimental to our overall well-being. I never use antibacterial soaps and rarely use any soaps on my body so as to maintain a healthy supply of bacteria while allowing my body to use it's natural cleansing process.
Similarly the flora in my GI tract is essential to healthy functioning and must be maintained. Fruits and vegetables contain bacteria on the surface which help supply the GI tract with a supply for proper maintenance. Washing these bacteria from the surface of our foods can deprive our digestive system and leave it in distress. It is best then to buy organic fruits and vegetables which are locally grown when possible. I generally wash my food preparation surfaces about once a week. This allows the naturally occurring beneficial bacteria from all those foods, including fish, to propagate on those surfaces. While cleansing methods were less efficient or prolific in the past our bodies likely evolved to be dependent upon a certain amount of residual bacteria. The food borne bacteria fears are a myth to promote consumption of cleaning products.
All-in-all there is a perfect food supply for our bodies. For optimum well-being it is best to discard the conditioning you have been lulled into accepting by the profiteers who aspire for you to have dysbiosis and the resulting ailments. Now consider that snack you had. Is it consistent with what you would now consider to be food?
For you and your children, if you have any, proper diet will continue to return rewards that will compound with time. If your children are the subject of a child custody order then proper diet as part of overall wellness is even more important as it is a statutory factor that judges must consider. Just as I can make the case that a mother who doesn't breast feed a child is a danger to that child [depriving the infant with a sterile GI tract of obtaining necessary flora to properly digest food and fight disease] so is the parent who doesn't provide a proper diet for himself or the child. I also have the caselaw to support an upward or downward deviation from a recommended child support payment amount based upon a parent's contributory dietary negligence and any subsequent sick-care costs.
A healthful diet is not nearly as expensive as eating unhealthful foods which often have costs of up to around 10 times that of healthful foods. Financial considerations aside, I will close with this final thought for your consideration -- it is not natural for the human body to be obese. Get back to eating what our bodies naturally function best on and the weight will shed itself.
Parents who would like to achieve the best outcome for their children in a contested child custody case should visit my website and contact my scheduler to make an appointment to meet with me. Attorneys may request a free consultation to learn how I can maximize their advocacy for their clients.
Connect with me for the latest Indiana child custody related policy considerations, findings, court rulings and discussions. 
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Autumnal Equinox, fundamentals of action, and easy weight loss
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Seven Things Your Nanny Needs to Know About Your Child Custody Terms
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Today I bring to you seven conditions which you need to consider if you have a nanny for your children who are under a child custody order. Some custody orders make provisions for restricting who the children may be exposed to or placed in the care of from time to time. If you already have a child custody order or are working on drafting an agreement then you need to consider these seven conditions which are provided thanks to my associates at Nanny Background Check and are reproduced here with their permission.
1. Scheduling Basics – Whether your nanny is just coming on board after a divorce or if she’s been working for you since before you separated from your ex, she will need to have a basic idea of your custody and visitation agreement. This especially holds true if she won’t be working during the time your children spend with a non-custodial parent so that she is able to build her own schedule as well.
2. Which Parent They Work For – Some divorced parents will make separate childcare arrangements and others will make them together. When divorced couples share a nanny the arrangements can be complex and require a nanny to provide care at both parents’ homes. As such, your nanny will need to know who her primary employer is and what, if any, instructions they’ll be expected to follow from the other parent.
3. Right of First Refusal Provisions – Provisions that grant non-custodial parents the first chance to care for their children when the other parent is unavailable are called “right of first refusal” provisions, and are relevant to your nanny because it can limit her work if they exist in your custody agreement. These provisions are put in place to allow a non-custodial parent to maximize the time they spend with their children, giving them precedence over a babysitter or nanny. If your nanny’s schedule could potentially be altered due to your ex’s insistence on watching the children when you’re unavailable, she should be informed as soon as possible.
4. The Particulars of Your Parenting Plan – In the majority of divorce cases that involve the custody of dependent children, the parent who has physical custody is also the one charged with making decisions regarding childcare and schools, and often determines what is considered “reasonable” regarding visitation schedules. Your nanny should be aware of which parent makes these decisions and the ways in which they will affect her as spelled out by your parenting plan.
5. About Supervised Visitation – In some unfortunate cases, a non-custodial parent is awarded visitation only under supervision, either by an agreed-upon party or a person designated by the court. Often the result of substance abuse or violence on the part of the non-custodial parent, these situations can be particularly tricky for childcare providers. If your ex-spouse is only allowed access to your children under supervision, your nanny should be informed so that she doesn’t inadvertently facilitate an unsupervised visit.
6. If a Parent Has No Visitation Rights – Should your ex-spouse’s visitation rights be stripped and sole custody awarded to you in your divorce agreement, this information should absolutely be passed along to your nanny. Child Find(R) of America estimates that up to 78% of kidnappings are committed by non-custodial parents; if there’s any chance at all that your ex could be considering the option of abducting their children, your nanny needs to know so that she can be vigilant, both for the well-being of your children and to ensure her own physical safety.
7. Pick-Up and Drop-Off Protocol – Some divorces are more amicable than others, with parents more than capable of comporting themselves in a civil or even friendly manner long enough to arrange drop-offs and pick-ups. Others may find that keeping their temper or bitterness in check, even for a brief period of time, is almost impossible. In these cases, you may opt to arrange for these meetings to be handled by your childcare provider, but she should be well aware of that situation and given the chance to accept the arrangement in advance. You and your ex-spouse should agree, if on nothing else, to keep conversation civil and refrain from making snide comments about one another to the nanny, who is essentially a neutral party despite who signs her paycheck.
Like every marriage, every divorce is different. There will be particular situations applicable only to you and your family and others that are dictated by applicable statute or the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines; regardless you should make sure that your nanny is left as well-informed as possible to prevent any confusion or melodramatic scenes in the future.
Parents who would like to achieve the best outcome for their children in a contested child custody case should visit my website and contact my scheduler to make an appointment to meet with me. Attorneys may request a free consultation to learn how I can maximize their advocacy for their clients.
Connect with me for the latest Indiana child custody related policy considerations, findings, court rulings and discussions.
Friday, September 7, 2012
What is a Non-Custodial Parent [NCP]?
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Thursday night I had a brief conversation with an author and bio-ethicist in which I mentioned the movie Gattaca. Not my typical fare - sci-fi -- but relevant to reproductive ethics. The movie is about a naturally conceived man who wants to be a space shuttle pilot but won't be allowed because only those who have been created through specific genetic selections [seeking perfection] can possess the high aptitudes for such a job. The author tells me that he has included a section about that movie in his book. His purpose is to explore what he believes most people don't understand about that movie which is that it is about the effect of labeling - setting limits on ones self or others because of a description ascribed to a label. Thus that is why I actually like that movie. It is the naturally born man's drive and ambition that allows him to surpass his labeled inferiority and genetically superior brother.
He didn't allow himself to be guided by a label and ultimately achieved great success. But unlike most fictional accounts real life doesn't always offer uplifting anecdotes of man's triumphs over personal adversity. While some NCP's will flourish and experience parenting in a manner just as rewarding and enriching for their children as if still in an intact family there are others mired in the part time parent mode because they failed to prosper and outshine the custodial parent. Clients of mine often achieve success in the courtroom and outside with improved relationships with their children and the former "enemy".
It is that second group which doesn't achieve successes who most often seeks my assistance. These requests come in huge numbers that far exceed my ability to service. Yet, I am still able to service nearly everyone to whom I am willing to provide child custody focused life coaching. The great dichotomy between the number of requests I receive and the number of clients, roughly a 20:1 ratio, has perplexed me for quite some time.
I don't believe that my application process is so insurmountable or service so exclusive that every interested parent would no be able to avail themselves. Financial considerations are near the bottom of the list as my service is provided at no cost.
While I had an inclination as to the cause I have now analyzed the discrepancies between interested parties and successful clients. My conclusion will come as no surprise to judges, attorneys and other child advocates as many of them have already told me these same things. I will provide a few of the excuses that I hear as to why these parents don't want a child custody coach, what the underlying thoughts are and what those actually mean.
I just need an [new, better, more aggressive] attorney.
What this person is really saying is -- I don't need to change. Everyone else is at fault and the system is totally corrupt. They are all conspiring against me.
What this means is that this parent is not ready to accept responsibility for his or her own actions and is therefore not prepared to be given the responsibility of child custody or substantial parenting time.
I can't afford to pay you.
I have too many other conveniences and luxuries that I am not willing to sacrifice just to get more time with my child. What I actually want to do is pay less child support.
What this means is that this parent is not ready to place the needs of the child above his or her own lifestyle choices. The child has not been made a priority and therefore this parent should not have the responsibility of child custody or substantial parenting time.
I'll get back to you.
I think I can probable get through this own my own. Things seem to have calmed down lately. I am not going to pay for anything I don't absolutely need to.
What this means is that this parent is not going to be proactive. He or she will always wait until forced into a situation where a response is necessary. This parents household may likely be a dangerous environment for a child although this parent will not hesitate to seek medical attention. This parents fails to appreciate the need to plan for the future and his or her child will likely suffer for that shortcoming. Therefore this parent should not have the responsibility of child custody or substantial parenting time.
And so these usual cases just march on as they always have. Numerous times these parents make multiple requests of me. The story always follows the same course. I anticipated what the parent would need to do and offered to help. My assistance was not desired and ultimately what I predicted would happen did -- which is the result of having experience with 100's of these cases. Then the parent wants me to reverse the situation.
There is a sobering reality that most of the players in the child custody arena already know -- most NCP's are just that because they deserve to be. That is what they have selected for themselves and their children. However, this truth will likely be denied by most NCP's and the same ole tune will play on and the carousel will continue to go 'round.
Parents who would like to achieve the best outcome for their children in a contested child custody case should visit my website and contact my scheduler to make an appointment to meet with me. Attorneys may request a free consultation to learn how I can maximize their advocacy for their clients.
Connect with me for the latest Indiana child custody related policy considerations, findings, court rulings and discussions.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Cynthia Dean names in me Motion to the Court to Seal Record
It's generally a positive indication that your efforts are moving in the proper direction when someone contracted through the state seeks to deny your access to public records prepared by him or her. Quite concisely Cynthia Dean an attorney for Child Advocates, Inc. has claimed that the safety of the Moore children will be jeopardized once their identities are put into the Court record through the yet to be written Guardian ad Litem report.
She has not indicated on what basis that she believes that Kristy Moore, Brian Moore or the South Madison School Corporation will ultimately fail to protect these children once the Guardian ad Litem report containing identifying information such as the children's names, gender and date of birth is submitted to the Court and made part of the public record. In Dean's petition to seal the record she alleges, "Showalter publishes detailed information including the names of the schools the children have attended, names of the parties and professionals that have been involved with Brian Moore."
There is one glaring omission by Dean. She fails to mention that the parent whom she favours to have custody of the children -- Kristy Dean -- already made a request that the names, gender and date of birth of the Moore children be placed into the public record. Such information was added in October 2008.
Now I will highlight from Dean's list of the "detailed information" that I published which is available to any person who was to go to the Marion County Clerk of the Court and request to see the court file in Moore v Moore [49D12-0810-DR-44790]: "the names of the schools the children have attended, names of the parties and professionals that have been involved with Brian Moore." If you are like any person that possesses at least minimal intellectual and logical thinking capabilities then you are likely seeing the logical disconnect here. The relief that Dean is requesting to protect the "safety" of the children -- sealing the Guardian ad Litem report -- will do nothing to prevent the public from having access to the information that Kristy Moore has put into the public domain or which is already in the Court file from where I gathered that information.
What this motion is truly all about is Dean's latest volley in now what appears to be a distinct and decisive demarcation between two persons interested in child custody matters. On the one side is the important public interest being served by exposing the actions of third-party professionals that impact what the United States Supreme Court has called -- "perhaps the oldest of the fundamental liberty interests recognized by this Court" which is the "interest of parents in the care, custody and control of their children." When such a "fundamental liberty" is being entrusted to a state actor with the assistance of these third-party professionals like Dean then we all have a vested interest in ensuring that we know what type of people are associated with making custody decisions.
On the other side of this effort to protect children is Cynthia Dean the attorney for Del Anderson, who are both employed by Child Advocates, Inc. I have previously commented on the qualifications of Anderson by saying that "I just don't feel that he ranks above average in intellect and has some difficulty in making logical conclusions." Anderson, I believe, is more of a right brain person who relies upon feeling which is necessary in this field but must also be balanced by a logical perspective that is suitable to provide a rationale for custody recommendations. As for Dean she is simply incompetent and a liar as I demonstrated to you by showing to you the email she sent to Brian Moore telling him to change the children's school the day after the Court issued an order specifically stating not to do so. Dean was also in court on 13 June when Judge Welch informed her and the other parties that the children's school was not to be changed.
Indiana Administrative Rule 9 includes in its purpose, promoting accessibility to court records, supporting the role of the judiciary, and promoting governmental accountability among other reasons. To ensure public confidence in the judiciary and that decisions involving child custody -- that fundamental liberty interest -- the public must be availed of the evidentiary basis for these decisions. Denying the public access to reports such as the one Dean wishes to seal can lead to speculation of bias, collusion, prejudice or other factors, real or imagined, which undermine the integrity and confidence in the judicial system. Dean's Motion is nothing less than a charade put forth to shield Child Advocates, Inc. from taxpayer and state policy maker scrutiny. Dean has not demonstrated a compelling interest supported by any evidence as to why the presumptive public policy of open access to the court's has been overcome nor that "dissemination of the information will create a significant risk of substantial harm" to the Moore children. Therefore her motion should be denied in its entirety.
Quite contrary to Dean's position I have nothing to hide about who I am or what I have done. I always stand behind what I say. I put my integrity in your hands. Thus, the information that Dean obtained about me came from, as she admitted in her motion, my website.
This week I will be filing with the Court my Objection to Verified Motion to Seal Guardian ad Litem Report which details much of the reasoning I have given in the preceding paragraphs as well as the caselaw supporting the public's right of access to court records. Beyond all the semantics surrounding the reasoning for Dean's request is what will be the demise of her motion from a strictly legal perspective: it is overly broad. Any restriction by government on the right of free speech must be narrowly tailored to achieve a compelling governmental interest in the least restrictive mode.
Dean's motion seeks as relief "Protective Orders concerning any future documents or reports filed by the Guardian ad Litem said Order directing all counsel and parties to the litigation to not disseminate, show, provide or in any other way allow a non-party or counsel not of record from receiving or having access to any of the information contained in said filings or reports." [emphasis added]. As an example Mrs. Moore may be ordering some periwinkle blue towels from her Land's End catalogue when she is asked to provide the shipping address. The Report may describe Mrs. Moore's home and include her address. Thus, complying with Dean's requested order barring parties from "disseminating in any . . . way . . . any of the information contained within the report" would prevent her from providing [disseminating] her mailing address to that retailer needing to dispatch goods to her residence. Such is the flaw of an unskilled attorney.
If Judge Welch does not grant my requested relief by denying Dean's motion to seal then it will be on to a full blown hearing where I and my public access advocates will argue for the established public policy and Dean will argue against disclosure. I doubt that it will make it to that point as Judge Welch has demonstrated a keen sense of observing attempts at forging a hidden unscrupulous agenda through ulterior means.
In conclusion I leave you with this thought and one question. The safety of the Moore's children is not in jeopardy based upon what Dean has alleged but her job may be. Here's your question: Can you provide the names, years of age and gender(s) of the Moore children and the source of that information? [Hint: Look at the first pleading filed in this cause].
If you have ever had a Parenting Time Coordinator, GAL, Custody Evaluator or other third-party professional advising the Court in your child custody case and you felt the recommendations were biased then please visit my website and contact my scheduler to make an appointment to meet with me.
If you would like to follow my activities more closely then send a friend request to my Political FaceBook page.
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More information about child custody rights and procedures may be found on the Indiana Custodial Rights Advocates website.
©2012 Stuart Showalter, LLC. Permission is granted to all non-commercial entities to reproduce this article in it's entirety with credit given.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
"I Love You Man!"
To be most effective at maintaining optimal well-being and joyfulness my life is filled by strategic actions. One of those is visiting the Library on a near daily basis. This one strategy covers many facets of real or potential difficulties in my life. My primary reason for visiting is internet usage. That serves a two-fold purpose being saving me the direct financial cost of home internet service but also preventing me from spending countless hours surfing the Net from article to article until I collapse into a slumber. Some of the secondary reasons are to ensure that I actually extract myself from my sometimes overly comforting abode and also to socialize with members of my community. Finally, there is a vast wealth of resource materials at my beckoning shall my research require that additional depth of detail.
So it is that my usual visit is simply to check email, Facebook for a moment, a little eBay shopping and the usual information gathering about the weather, local news and searching for my favourite psychological fulfillment -- yard sales. I enter the Library and land upon my usual perch, the bench under the display windows where I can maintain a watchful peripheral view of my bicycle and those passing through the doors. A typical small town activity -- seeing who is coming and going from any public locale.
On my most recent visit I am well into my research about sealing court records after having collected the names and addresses of those who have paid for some items on eBay which I intend to get in the mail before the Post Office closes at 4:00. I need to be hasty to meet this deadline.
At this time an older gentleman who is a regular patron ventures down the stairs for a gander at the street side parking area outside the main entrance. He then turns, inquires about my latest goings on and then plops down next to me. I briefly mention my latest court happenings, my fortuitous eBay experience and my afternoon agenda consisting primarily of getting to the Post Office. He makes small talk and asks a few questions about some programs he would like for his computer. I give affirming nods as I listen to his stories and offer input as requested.
He has had a stroke but is functioning quite well. He does have some limitations and always expresses regrets about those but at the same is grateful for the life he still enjoys and the support network that surrounds him such as the friend who drives him to from the library. My work is done and I have subtly closed my netbook and prepared to leave. He finally acknowledges his contribution to delaying my impending departure and offers his apology for the auditory restraint. I wasn't so crunched for time that I couldn't listen though. I never am. I dismiss any need for an apology and offer my departing well wishes. He tells me "I love you man!" and the door closes behind on another encounter with this former stranger who I've come to know as he awaits a ride back home from the Library.
It was a gratifying moment that reinforced my long held belief that people need to and appreciate being heard. I mean heard as in the sense of listening, becoming cognitively aware of the person's message not just the affirmative nod that substitutes for the underlying 'you are annoying me' feeling that so many couples project to each other or parents to their children.
It's a simple act to stop for a moment and listen. As I have moved about the streets of downtown Indianapolis from meetings, court hearings, legislative endeavors or other events I see the homeless -- at least that is the projected appearance -- people set up the street corners. I have heard their colourful tales of hardship, poor decisions and often times a sense of abandonment. It's no problem for me to take time from my day to listen to their stories. If it was then I would know that I am not living my life properly for if I am too busy to listen to a story then I am doing something wrong.
I am still confounded as to why something so easy eludes so many. I see it so often in the high conflict relationships between former spouses. It is apparent when children flock to me and I excuse myself from the conversation with the parent because "someone has a story to tell to me." Life is a series of stories -- being told and being listened to with enthusiasm. In today's marketplace where the left-brained logical thinking paradigm has been replaced by computer programs or workers in India it is those who see the bigger picture, who put humanity into work and who are the listeners of stories that will survive.
If you would like to learn strategies for building communication and improving relationships then please visit my website and contact my scheduler to make an appointment to meet with me.
If you would like to follow my activities more closely then send a friend request to my Political FaceBook page.
Subscribe to this blawg.
More information about child custody rights and procedures may be found on the Indiana Custodial Rights Advocates website.
©2012 Stuart Showalter, LLC. Permission is granted to all non-commercial entities to reproduce this article in it's entirety with credit given.
